


recovery is slow (but what’s time to a retired pig)

by n3s0



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: AU tag is because this doesn't follow the events of Dec 16th, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Dadza, Dream Smp, Exiled Tommyinnit, Family Dynamics, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Protective Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Protective Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Psychological Trauma, Realistic Minecraft, Recovery, Suicidal Thoughts, sleepy bois inc - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:53:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 27,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28100481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/n3s0/pseuds/n3s0
Summary: It’s been weeks since Tommy had a decent source of food. Or water. Or clothes, for that matter. So yeah, maybe he took more than an inconspicuous amount of stuff from Techno’s base. It’s kind of hard when a certain green bastard caused you to develop hoarding issues.orTechnoblade finds out Tommy’s been hiding underneath his base, pieces together the events of the past two months in Logstedshire, and helps Tommy heal.
Relationships: Technoblade & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson
Comments: 280
Kudos: 1567
Collections: Completed stories I've read, Cute MCYT, Found family to make me feel something, MCYT, MCYT Fic Rec





	1. a home in nowhere

**Author's Note:**

> TW's for each chapter will be in the beginning notes when they apply, so make sure to check those.   
> If any of the creators in this story express that they're uncomfortable with fanfiction, please lmk and this will be taken down! The actions the characters take in this story in no way reflect how I think the content creators would behave, and this is all based on the roleplay.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After running away from Logstedshire, Tommy takes secret refuge in Technoblade's home.

In another life, Tommy would’ve been shocked at how humble the ex-antarctic emperor’s home is. 

A few months ago, Tommy would’ve laughed at the posters Techno has hung of him on the walls. 

Now, Tommy just walked through miles of tundra to get anywhere but the blasted remains of Logstedshire. Now, Tommy’s gone a few days (weeks?) with a proper meal. Now, Tommy’s missing a shoe, his family, and a home. Now, Technoblade’s small retirement home was all he could ever ask for. 

There’s an enderman in a boat, more zombie villagers than he can count downstairs, and the beginnings of a bee farm outside. There are more supplies than Tommy had seen in months and something in his mind screamed _grab it and run, hide everything,_ but he pushed the instinct down to instead grab a stack of golden apples. Nabbing a few random potions, he makes a point not to think of Wilbur’s bright smile when he would figure out a new brewing recipe. Upstairs there’s a bed and more chests that upon closer look have a fully enchanted diamond set sitting at the bottom. A part of him wants to grab everything valuable he sees, another part of him remembers what it’s like to have things you work hard for taken, and a final part of him goes back down the ladder, leaving the diamond chestplate to collect dust. 

Down on the main floor, Tommy heads back into the harsh snow to glance around the cabin one more time. There’s no hidden button ( _i_ _t was never meant to be_ , whispers in the back of his mind. Phil had told him at Wilbur’s grave of his brothers parting words and it makes it all the harder to look at blackstone or buttons) or anything that indicates redstone contraptions (Sam taught him the signs of a secret door and quietly he wonders if Sam would help him. Then he remembers the man’s last words to him, _I just want everyone to get along_ , and he realizes even Sam wouldn’t help him confront Dream; the two had history). But Tommy knows nothing if he doesn’t know his family, and Techno was never a redstone person, so he goes back inside and mines through the floor with his stolen pickaxe. 

The hidden basement had two mobs encased in glass that Tommy had never seen before; leave it to Technoblade to show up in a new server and already find new mobs. It was barren aside from the mobs but Tommy knew better than to question Techno’s use of an empty secret room. Technoblade was an over-preparer if nothing else, and his doomsday prepping has saved him more than once. It was saving Tommy now, as he made the decision to keep digging through the floor, deeper and deeper. 

“I could hunker down here,” Tommy spoke to himself and a whisper reminded him of Wilbur doing the exact same thing in an uncomfortably similar stone cave, “Techno wouldn’t notice a little bit of his supplies going missing, huh?” A glance at his inventory told him that he was taking more than just a little bit, but taking it out of his inventory made him feel sick. ( _Put it in the hole, Tommy._ ) 

With a small cave deep below his estranged friend’s house, a few chests, that stupid log, and an escape route, Tommy set up a plan. Sure, Techno is already geared, but that never stopped him from getting more supplies before and Tommy is betting on it not stopping him now. He’ll let Techno build up a supply that he could ever so slowly steal from, stashing it away until he’s ready to get the only things he cares about back from Dream. An enchanted compass glows steadily in his enderchest. 

The first day hiding in Techno’s house was unpleasant, to say the least. Being this far underground, surrounded by stone, and in a tundra didn’t scream warmth and while Tommy wasn’t expecting much it made him long for sitting at a campfire in Logsted with Ghostbur. (No matter how bittersweet the memories were, considering Ghostbur left Logsted after the first few days, and stopped visiting entirely after the second week.) He felt shaky and with the realization that Dream wasn’t his friend gave way to the reminder that Dream was very much his enemy. (Something in the back of his mind whispers that _he’s your only friend, go back to Logsted while you still can_. He tries his best to ignore it.) Every creak or shift of the house above him left him clutching his sword with white knuckles, waiting for Dream to break open the ceiling and come rushing in (screams of _Come here Tommy!_ mix with a disappointed _Sorry doesn’t cut it_ and it leaves him nauseous.) He barely touches the stash of food he stole because he can’t tell when he won’t be able to get more. His clothes are still tattered and his hair is brushing the bottoms of his ears, paranoia mixes with fight or flight, and Tommy wonders if this is how Wilbur felt. If this is why he begged Phil to run a sword through him because anything is better than fear-fueled adrenaline never leaving your veins. If this is why Tommy can’t stop thinking about lava lakes and tall towers, even after getting far away from that damned portal. 

Alone in a ravine, alone in a field, and now alone beneath the ground Tommy can’t help but let out a cackle at the thought. Alone with Wilbur in Pogtopia, or whoever had stolen Wilbur’s face and was demanding _let’s be the bad guys, Tommy_. Alone with Dream in Logstedshire, a party with two meant for twenty and empty condolence of _I guess nobody misses you_. Now, alone in Dnret with Technoblade only a few meters above him.

At another creak of the house, Tommy threw himself from his bed and tried to fight the urge to grab his sword. However, upon hearing a voice Tommy grabbed the sword and prepared for the worse. The voice was muffled but very distinctly Technoblade’s; and better yet, very distinctly not Dream’s. 

“It was probably Philza,” Technoblade counters the air, and Tommy remembers that Techno mentioned a few times about voices he likes to refer to as “chat”. Silence, and then a heavy sigh. “Chat, Phil probably just needed the extra food. He hasn’t set up a stable farm yet,” Tommy almost let out another laugh because of course Techno noticed the food missing. Yes, Techno was an over-preparer, but he was also beyond observant. He’d have to be more careful from now on. 

In the room above, Technoblade goes about putting chests in the secret storage area and filling them to the brim with basics. Food, multiple sets of iron armor, rudimentary tools, and multiple bottles of water. There’s nothing there he would miss. He took note of everything missing from upstairs because come on, why wouldn’t the Blood God have an itinerary of what he owns, and stockpiled the chests full of similar items to those stolen.

He saw the extra set of footprints in the snow, only a half-hour away from being completely covered by the blizzard. He saw how the stone covering his secret room was sitting just slightly out of place. He heard how if he tapped on the floor, it sounded slightly hollow. Technoblade didn’t win all of his wars by not noticing the little things, the only part now was to figure out who it was sneaking through his house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed the first chapter! I'm taking this story a little more leisurely than my last so there's no set chapter limit, however, I do already have an ending planned so don't worry about this being an unfinished story (or could you say, unfinished symphony ;) )  
> Let me know what you think in the comments so far! I'm trying a more descriptive style of writing this to kind of highlight Tommy's mental turmoil and it's super fun to write in the style so let me know if it's fun to read, or even makes sense because it is a bit all over the place lol.


	2. lost and found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Techno catches Tommy in his home, but it's not the Tommy he remembers.

When they were young, Wilbur would love to play mind games on Tommy. Convoluted wording and puzzles were how they passed the time in Philza's quiet home. Upon meeting Technoblade, Tommy found that his brother and Techno both found way too much enjoyment in tricking him. Tommy supposes it was good in the long run, considering he knew how to pick up Wilbur and Techno's subtle cues; like the cues Technoblade was giving right now. 

Techno made an entire scene out of leaving his house that morning, and the man wasn't that expressive even on a good day. Tommy knew something was up. He barely got half an hour of sleep that night, paranoia keeping his eyes wide open, so when Techno started practically stomping above him and talking in-depth about his day-long trip to a woodland mansion, Tommy got to hear all of it. 

“Chat is there anything I’m forgetting?” Techno announced from above, “I’ve got everything I need to keep me goin’ for a few days, cause this trip will probably take a while,” silence, waiting for responses, then, “no no I don’t need to take the food I left in here. That’s just back up stuff.” Tommy’s stomach growled at the thought of food, and he allowed himself half a loaf of stolen bread before tuning back into Techno’s one-sided conversation. He stomps around a bit more, complains about how long the trip will last another time, and finally, he very loudly opens and closes the door. 

Maybe stealing supplies for a clock would’ve been a good idea, since the stone walls don’t give any indication of time. So instead he took one of the water bottles and poured a small amount onto the stone floor. Once the water evaporates, he’ll go back upstairs. A few months ago, not even Tommy himself, would’ve guessed he had the patience to wait for the water to dry. Now, the thought of going upstairs and being caught glues him to the bed, left to stare intently at the water.

Being left alone with his thoughts was never Tommy’s strong suit. Before, he’d fill it with loud laughter and curses and pranks. Before, he would talk with Tubbo on his bench and listen to his discs. Now, he sits and essentially waits for paint to dry and his mind can’t help but wander across the tundra back to Logstedshire. Was Dream looking for him? Dream, his dear friend ( _he’s not your friend, he watched you_ ), is probably worried sick about where he is. Dream, his worst enemy ( _he’s the only one who visited you_ ), is probably hunting him down as he hid below the ground. Tommy can remember the past two months in both perfect, grueling clarity and hazy, emotional fog. He feels like throwing up the few bites of bread he took and a choked sob escapes him. Why couldn't he make up his mind? Dream exiled him. No, Tubbo exiled him, Dream stayed with him. Dream watched him. _He watched_. Tommy's hands shake violently and imaginary pins and needles poke his limbs. 

Unable to sit still with his thoughts any longer, water be damned, Tommy drinks the remaining water left in the bottle and climbs up the ladder, diamond sword in his belt loop. Even in his panic, Tommy's not dumb enough to be loud with his mining so he takes his time (the slow, meticulous mining gives his restless hands something to do and his mind something to latch on to, but he wouldn't admit that aloud.) Ever so carefully he raises the now broken block and slides it to the side, pulling himself up to a stand in the basement. True to his word, Technoblade had filled the room with chests of back up equipment. And sitting on top of one of those chests was none other than Technoblade himself. 

When Techno realized someone was squatting in his house, no one in particular came to mind. He knew he was far from the main server, maybe someone from another server managed to wander far enough through world borders and found their way here? It was a stretch, but possible. What he didn't expect, not even in his wildest dreams, was Philza's pseudo-kid in ratty clothes, looking like a feral raccoon, staring at him with wide eyes.

"What are you doing in my house?" Techno asks, genuine curiosity mixing with anger. He really should have expected Tommy, the boy had used him before and he'll use him again. The first time for man-power and now for shelter. The voices ring clearly through his mind, _he's your ~~brother~~ friend, you should give him shelter, somethings wrong, help him. _But the anger of seeing Tommy pointing his own sword at him, in his own house, overrides them. 

"You mean our house, dickhead," Tommy snarls and there's an awful quality to his voice, like it hasn't been used in weeks. The only torch in the damp basement hangs behind Tommy, illuminating him from behind and highlighting the frayed seams of his shirt. Techno stands and readjusts his grip on the Axe of Peace.

"No, I really don't," Techno steps to the side, forcing Tommy to rotate around him, both of them still holding the offensive positions. With the torch now behind Techno it illuminates Tommy's face; more specifically, it illuminates the bags as dark as coal below Tommy's eyes, deepens the already hollow cheekbones protruding from his face, and bounces dimly off of his grey eyes. Tommy looked better even after Wilbur killed their country and himself. "You look terrible," Techno points out and Tommy glares harder.

"And who's fault is that, Blade?" He accuses and Techno scoffs, lowering his ax. Tommy doesn't look like he could even take on a chicken in this state, there's no need to waste the Axe of Peace's durability. 

"Uhm, I don't know, probably Dream and Tubbo, the guys who exiled you?" Techno scoffs and the joke was meant to lighten the tension in the room; Techno had sworn off violence, and he especially didn't want to fight a kid. But he sees Tommy's grip go white at the mention of the names. _Maybe Tubbo shouldn't have been mentioned_ , he thinks to himself.

"Dream is my friend you massive prick!" Tommy yells hoarsely and, wait, that is definitely not what Techno was expecting. His offensive stance completely drops and he takes a step towards Tommy, who in return takes a step back. Only now does Tommy seem to realize that they've rotated positions, and he's back himself into a corner. If Techno thought he looked like a feral animal before, the new deranged look in his eyes is a whole new level. _He looks like Wilbur_ , a voice echos, _right before Phil ran a sword through him_. Techno physically shakes his head to rid himself of the thought and focuses back on Tommy.

"Tommy I don't know if we've got different definitions of the word friend or what, but..." Techno trails off, unsure of how to continue the sentence. Emotional reassurance was never his thing. _Call Phil_ , a voice rings and it seems to be the only reasonable one today, _he would know what to do_.

"He's not my friend," Tommy's gaze seems to go straight through Techno, "he's not. He watched me." 

"Okay, yeah, not your friend. Got it," for every step Techno took towards Tommy, Tommy took a step back, only further cornering himself, "wanna explain why you're here?" 

"He was watching me," Tommy says with utmost confidence, and Techno nods like it doesn't make zero sense. "No, he was watching because he cared," Tommy backtracks and Techno thinks he's going to get emotional whiplash. Tommy's breaths are coming faster now and it only tightens his grip around the stolen sword. He's deathly pale and it only serves to highlight the coal-colored bags under his grey eyes. Tommy's gaze is miles away and Techno tries to remember what Phil would do for him when he had panic attacks.

"Tommy, can you drop your sword?" He asks and white-hot fury fills Tommy's eyes.

"Go to hell!" He screams and swings at Techno. He can barely seem to lift his arm, and the movement is so slow and uncoordinated that Techno merely steps out of the way. "Go fuck yourself! Stop taking my shit!" 

"It's my stuff, Tommy," Techno reminds quietly and it was very obviously the wrong thing to say as worry and anger trade places on Tommy's face. Part of him looks terrified of Techno, guilty almost. Another part looks like how Tommy looked when he found out Henry was killed. It's a worrying mixture and Techno tries to ignore the voices screaming _something is terribly, terribly wrong,_ and focuses on calming Tommy down. 

"You watched me!" Tommy sobs, tears spilling over, and he tries to swing again at Techno, who simply grabs his wrist and twists it to the side, disarming Tommy. He doesn't seem phased and instead starts slamming his fist against Techno's chest. The blows are soft, and Techno knows it's not because Tommy is holding back. His wrist is too small in Techno's grasp. 

"Tommy, calm down," Techno tries and decides that he is definitely calling Phil once this is said and done. Tommy's punches slow until he's merely leaning against Techno's chest, hyperventilating and shaking like a leaf. 

"He watched me, Techno," Tommy sobs, and Techno lets go of his wrist to wrap his arms around Tommy's shoulders, "no one visited. Nobody came." Tommy is leaning all of his weight against Techno and while Tommy had been skinny even in Pogtopia, Techno shouldn't have this much ease holding up a 6'3" teenager. Slowly, Tommy stops shaking and his breathing evens out just slightly so Techno glances down to see that Tommy had passed out against his chest. In the dim lighting, with his sickly pale skin and sunken in features, Tommy bears more resemblance to Ghostbur and Techno can't pass it off as genetics ( _they aren't even genetically related_ , a voice laughs). Techno's seen enough of ~~his family~~ his friends looking dead ( _Wilbur doesn't just_ look _dead_ , his mind snaps, but he has more important things to focus on) so he lifts Tommy a little too easily over his shoulder and climbs up the ladders until he's by the small bed in the attic. 

Laying Tommy down in bed, he pulls the covers up to his chin and watches his chest rise and fall in slowly evening breaths. The last time Techno had seen Tommy was the night he got exiled. The boy was a storm of fury and betrayal and Techno felt momentary glee knowing that karma got its justice and made Tommy feel exactly like how Techno felt after the 16th of November. Now, however, he feels nothing but guilt knowing that Tommy continued to spiral after that. Sure, after the 16th Techno felt betrayed, he felt hurt, but they weren't new feelings. While he was transparent about his intent to destroy government, Manberg or L'manberg, Tommy wasn't exactly hiding the plans to reinstall a government. 

Techno wants to be angry with Tommy, angry that he used his gear to form a government, angry that he stole his supplies and hid in his house. But now, staring at the deep eye bags and clear-as-day malnutrition, Technoblade sighs and pulls out his communicator to call Phil. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol I'm updating this really fast because I really like this story. Hope you enjoy it!  
> This one is a little bit longer, sorry. I've given up on trying to write each chapter to be about the same length because it messes with my pacing, so be prepared to have a few really short or really long chapters at random.


	3. confusing confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A snowstorm keeps Technoblade and Tommy in the cabin while they wait for Philza to arrive, and Tommy's hypothermia induced delirium gives Techno insight into the past few months of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT:  
> I've done a small bit of retconning in the past two chapters, but nothing that requires a complete re-read. I only changed the relationship between Techno and Tommy (mainly rewriting sentences referring to them as brothers, and rewriting the small paragraph about SBI having a childhood together). In Techno's stream yesterday he mentioned how he doesn't really follow the "SBI is an actual family" lore because he's not a fan of it/it doesn't fit with his storyline. While he never said that fanfic with him being in the SBI family wasn't okay, personally I decided to change a small bit of my story to make it so Tommy and Techno are not legally or genetically related, just have a family bond. After consideration, I've got to agree with Techno in that them actually being brothers, rather than just having a brotherly bond, doesn't make sense with their character actions.  
> I don't want to outright say their relationships because I feel like that's lazy writing when I could have exposition in the story, but I do want to clarify a bit because it could be confusing. Wilbur is Philza's actual adopted son, while Technoblade and Tommy are just very close with Philza/Wilbur but not actually related/adopted to either of them. Techno and Tommy had interacted before Techno joined Pogtopia, but they were only acquaintances. More detail about their relationships will be expanded upon in the story.

After laying Tommy down in his bed, Techno simply stood and stared at him. His shins and forearms had small burns and cuts, his ears and lips were almost purple, and he was clearly malnourished. It wasn't easy to stun the Blood God into silence but Tommy was always one for challenging gods. He didn't even know where to start, Tommy looked borderline-dead, and as much as he griped about having to help Tommy the kid had a soft spot in his heart. Maybe it was the blond hair and blue eyes and laugh that was just too similar to Phil, even without the blood relation, or maybe it was the determination and spark that was just too similar to himself. Either way, seeing Tommy deathly ill in his bed is the closest Technoblade has felt to true fear in years. Pulling his communicator out of his pocket, he doesn't even have to look to ring up Phil. 

"Hey mate," the familiar voice rings out, and normally hearing the smile through Phil's voice would soothe any worry Techno had, but staring at Tommy's pained face kept his heart rate high. 

"Phil." Techno rasps out and he hears shuffling on the other side.

"Techno what's wrong," Phil knew him too well, and the fact that he could hear clear fear in _the_ Technoblade's voice made his stomach sink. 

"Phil it's Tommy, he... I-" Techno trails off, unsure of where to even start. Phil had never pushed the title of 'son' onto Tommy, the boy was too independent to be legally tied down to a family, but on quiet nights by the fire Phil would talk of Tommy with such fondness that could only be reserved for a father speaking of his son. Techno knew that the news of Tommy's health would shatter Phil's already breaking heart (a permanent crack was left in the man's soul from his first, and only legal, son's death). The sound of chests and bags being opened spurred Techno on. He was always a good compartmentalizer, so he looks at Tommy and pretends he's telling Philza about the condition of one of the Antarctic Empire's soldiers and not his family. "I found him hiding under my house, he was stealing supplies. He's got mild burns and cuts on his limbs but they aren't much concern. He's hypothermic and severely malnourished, and I wouldn't be surprised if he was also dehydrated." 

"Okay," Phil said in that calm and collected voice he puts on when everything's gone to shit, "what are you doing for him right now?" 

"He's on my bed," Technoblade supplies monotonously and the silence over the line clues him in that Phil was expecting him to do more, "Phil I don't-... How do I help him? What do I do?" Techno's voice shakes slightly. 

"The hypothermia is the most concern right now. Keep him laying down and get him in proper warm clothes, put some warm washcloths on his neck, and get some blankets on him." As Phil lists off the supplies Techno mulls around his house to find them. "Try treating the burns and cuts with just some healing potions and bandages, and if he wakes up get him eating and drinking only warm stuff. Nothing too hot but definitely nothing cold." 

"When will you be able to get here?" Techno doesn't waste time beating around the bush. Sure, he can probably make sure Tommy doesn't die, but he's the last person Tommy would want to see when he wakes up. ( _Why then_ , one of the voices whispers, _did he come to your home for shelter?_ He pointedly ignores the thought.) 

"You're hundreds of blocks away, Techno, it's gonna take me a bit," Phil says sympathetically, "I believe in you, you two will be okay."

"I'm not doubtin' my medical abilities, Phil," Techno grumbles as he digs in his clothes to find anything that would fit Tommy, "I'm doubtin' the fact that Tommy would want to see me. He's going to be delirious when he first wakes up and I'm not the face he'll want to see." 

"I'll send Ghostbur over, yeah? He doesn't have to sleep or eat, he'll be faster to get there than me," Phil hums, "Plus, he can 'dodge the snow' or whatever the fuck that means." 

"Okay," Techno gives another glance at Tommy, hoping that the boy springs back to life and goes back to yelling and cursing him out. Then he remembers how the boy looked, shaking and swearing and petrified in his basement meer minutes ago, and Techno doesn't think he wants that either. He wants Pogtopia, when Wilbur was alive and still sane and when Tommy was angry at the world but not at him. When Techno would never admit it, but that small ravine felt like a home, and Wilbur and Tommy felt like brothers in more than just arms. When Phil was still on their homeworld server enjoying a peaceful life and didn't have the blood of his son on his hands. "Okay," Techno repeats, if only for himself. 

"I'll be there as soon as I can," Phil reassures quietly and the two give their goodbyes before hanging up.

Turning his attention back to Tommy, he takes note of the supplies he had gathered during the call with Phil. A handful of healing potions, a few rolls of bandages, some warm washcloths, a mountain of blankets, and a new set of clothing. Looking between the supplies and Tommy, he decides to get Tommy out of his old ruined clothes before anything else. He _really_ wishes Phil was here, considering he doubts Tommy would want Techno to see him in boxers, but he'll take an embarrassed Tommy over a dead one, and leans him up slightly to pull his shirt off over his head. If Techno thought he looked malnourished before, without his shirt and in clear lighting, Tommy looks almost skeletal. ( _Who did this? How? How?_ a few voices call out. _Your fault. Should've checked on him. Technoguilty_. a few more snap. He ignores all of them for the task at hand.) He uses one of the washcloths to wipe away the dirt and soot on Tommy's arms, trying not to think of how soot could've gotten on him. ( _The same way that he has TnT burns on him_.) Techno uses one of the potions to soak the bandages in healing and tightly wraps it around Tommy's forearms while he has the chance. The potion absorbs quickly so Techno pulls the long sleeve fleece undershirt over Tommy's head, struggling with his arms. Memories of Pogtopia, teasing Tommy for his long limbs being used to light the high up lanterns, flood in. Techno pretends that the pressure behind his eyes is from the strong smell of health potion. He repeats the process with Tommy's legs; pulling off the soaked and torn jeans, wiping the grime off, wrapping his calves with healing potion bandages, and pulls on a pair of wool pants that had to be tied tightly around Tommy's waist to stay on. Fear clutches Techno's heart when he realizes that Tommy didn't stir even once during the entire process. Techno slips a large blue wool sweater over Tommy and puts two layers of wool socks on his feet. Tommy looks like the poster-boy for a child getting ready to play in the snow if it weren't for his still blue lips. Techno takes the fact that they're blue, and not purple like before, as a small mercy. His face is still practically hollow, and the bags under his eyes are as dark as coal, but Techno begrudgingly admits that those can't be fixed in an hour. 

Techno leaves to grab the first of many blankets he left by the ladder but a freezing hand on his wrist stops him. The grasp is weak and it sends a shiver down Techno's spine, but following the hand up to its owner, he makes eye contact with Tommy's grey ( _weren't they blue? like Phil's?_ ) eyes, hazy with confusion. 

"T'chno?" Tommy slurs with half-lidded eyes, swimming with confusion and anger and guilt and _oh god_ where is Phil when you need him? 

"Hello," Techno supplies simply and Tommy's eyes slowly look around the room. Even slower, he attempts to sit up, and Phil's instructions of _'keep him laying down'_ comes to the forefront of Techno's mind. "Hey no doing that, lay back down." Techno didn't think he said it harshly, maybe a bit anxious, but the tears forming in Tommy's eyes make him reconsider. 

"Sorry," Tommy mumbles and lays back down, rolling over on his side, "I'm sorry." 

"It's- uh, it's okay," Techno stares down at Tommy awkwardly, "well, it's not okay, don't be movin' around or sitting up," more tears roll down Tommy's face, "but it's okay that you did. It was an accident." Tommy says nothing in response as more tears roll down his cheek so Techno starts to layer the blankets on top of him. This does get a response out of the boy as he looks back up at Techno with clouded, red eyes.

"What'r you doin'?" Tommy snaps and Techno rolls his eyes. Leave it to Tommy to be mad that he's saving him.

"You're hypothermic. You also have burns and cuts on your limbs so stop-" Techno grabs Tommy's hand that had started to pick at the bandages under the thick layers, "picking at the bandages. I don't want those bandages and potions goin' to waste if you're just gonna rip them off." 

"Lemme leave," Tommy glares at Techno with all the strength of a kicked puppy and Techno wants to scoff and tell him _'be my guest'_ but the memory of a young boy, shaking and passing out in his arms, stops him. The memory of eating dinner at Phil's home and seeing Tommy enthralled by his stories, listening even harder than Phil himself, stops him. The memory of sitting in Pogtopia and having Tommy hurl curses and insults that held no sting as he tenderly stitched the cut on Techno's back, stops him. The boy in front of him, delirious and still shaking and trying to put on a false-bravado for his ever apparent fear, stops him. 

"You're ill, Tommy. The second you're better, and well equipped for the tundra, you can leave," Techno gently pushes him back to a laying position on the bed. "I'm going to go heat up some soup, don't leave." Techno gives him a pointed look and climbs back down the ladder, leaving Tommy with his thoughts. Tommy sat up in the bed, if only to have a small piece of control over himself.

Waking up in Techno's bed had been disorienting, to say the least, but he felt better than he had in weeks. The ever-present burns and cuts on his limbs from Dream's TnT tingled with the cool feeling of a healing potion, and the chill that seemed to reach his bones was finally receding. The clothes he was wearing were soft but more importantly clean and in one piece, and they still smelled like Technoblade. While he would never admit it out loud, the familiar scent and atmosphere that the warrior brought was a calming reprieve from the scent of gunpowder that seemed to haunt him even after Wilbur's...even after the 16th. 

He wanted to hate Techno. He wanted to run out the doors straight in front of him. He wanted to find Dream ( _did he?_ ) and he wanted to go home ( _where was that, exactly?_ ). He wanted to be back at Philza's old home where Wilbur would call him his brother and Techno would show up occasionally and tell wild tales of his adventures. He wanted to curse Techno out for killing Tubbo but it felt like so long ago that he couldn't find the anger within himself ( _Would Tubbo be this upset if Tommy died? What if it was his final death?_ Memories of lava and tall towers still follow him.) While the cold left his bones and was receding from his skin, it still clung to his heart and made him shiver. The more he became aware of his surroundings, the more Tommy's tears turned from confused fear to numb realization. 

"I got soup- oh," Technoblade announces as he climbs up the ladder and sees Tommy sitting up with a steady stream of tears running down his face. He sets the soup down on the bookshelf and kneels in front of Tommy, like he was consoling a child. Tommy sure does feel like a child at that moment as he stares holes into the floorboards. "Can you look at me?" Techno asks and Tommy scoffs.

"I'm not concussed, dickhead," Tommy snaps and he hopes Techno doesn't hear his voice shake. If he does, he doesn't make any comment and simply grabs the soup and sets it in Tommy's open hands. Tommy's gaze flicks between Techno and the soup. The man raises an eyebrow at him.

"What are you waiting for? I know you might not be hungry, but you need food in you and the warmth will be good," Techno informs him and Tommy waits for the wool to be pulled off his eyes. For him to try and take a spoonful and for the food to be snatched away. For Techno to ask for his clothes back, his bed back, for him to leave. 

"I can eat this?" Tommy asks quietly and Techno's eyebrows go from confused to concerned.

"Yes, Tommy, you can eat," he responds just as quietly and Tommy nods and starts to eat slowly. They sit in silence, and the fact that Tommy keeps looking to Techno for reassurance isn't lost on him. Every time Tommy gives him a glance, he nods and Tommy nods back, going back to eating the soup. The implications add to the growing list of concerns Techno has for Tommy's wellbeing, mental and physical. Once Tommy is done, Techno grabs the bowl from his hands and sets it back on the bookshelf. He goes back to the blanket mountain and grabs two more off the top, turning back to Tommy and gesturing for him to lay down. 

"What are you doing?" Tommy asks once more, but lays down anyway, and Techno wonders if he remembers asking the first time. 

"You're still hypothermic, if only mildly, so I'm warmin' you up," Techno answers once again and Tommy's brow furrows in confusion.

"Why do you care?" Tommy asks.

 _Because he's your friend, kid-brother,_ the voices whisper, _for Phil, anything for Phil, because you care, because you love him, because you love Tommy,_ the voices respond. 

"Because," Techno answers, and layers another blanket on top of Tommy. He hums in response and Techno can see sleep pulling Tommy down. He's glad he got the boy to eat some hot soup at the very least. He tells himself he's glad because it's what Phil would want him to do, and he doesn't need disembodied voices to tell him that he's lying to himself. Tommy looks out the window next to the bed and hums. 

"It's snowing," he says quietly and Techno decides to take the opportunity to get some answers out of Tommy. 

"Why'd you decide to walk here in the snow?" Techno asks and Tommy shrugs.

"Where else would I go, I'm exiled." 

"Well why'd you leave Logsted in the first place, you aren't exiled from there," Techno supplies, and Tommy scowls at the window.

"I got sick of Dream's shit," there's no confidence in the statement, and Tommy looks confused for a moment before shaking his head. "He blew up everything, not just the normal stuff," Techno decides to ask what's 'normal' to blow up later, "and told me I was completely isolated now, not just exiled. Couldn't go to the nether and no one could visit me, not that they were coming anyway," guilt claws up Techno's throat as Tommy gives a laugh that sounds too similar to the one that would echo through Pogtopia the night before the 16th. "But I was sick of it. I had no one, so I came here. I guess I missed you," The admission is evidence that Tommy's still delirious with hypothermia but Techno's heart still clenches as Tommy's eyes start to slip shut.

"Wasn't Ghostbur with you?" Techno questions and Tommy scoffs.

"He got tired of me too," Tommy says quietly, closing his eyes, "everyone does." And Techno has so many more questions, so many more concerns, but the boy is out like a light. 

The voices bounce around his head like ping pong balls. _Dream, Dream did this, kill him, blood for the Blood God,_ they snap, _Wilbur left him, Ghostbur left, they were supposed to be brothers, how could Wilbur leave him_ , more cry, _you left him, you left him with Dream,_ a few whisper. Techno goes back downstairs to make more soup and tries not to let the guilt swallow him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was more dialogue-heavy, especially at the beginning, but it was fun to write none the less. Hope you all enjoyed it! Kudos and comments are very appreciated, even if it's just the small lines or moments you liked! :)


	4. wildflowers and new homes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Tommy slowly recovers, Techno offers for him to live with him, and Ghostbur manages to make it through the tundra.

Tommy's recovery was...happening. That was the best word Techno could put to it, at least. It had been a little longer than a week since he had hauled Tommy out of his self-made cellar underneath the house and Tommy at the very least was off of death's doorstep. He didn't want to admit it to himself, or to Philza over the phone, but hypothermia and malnutrition were a deadly combination. The hypothermia was solved within the day, and the malnutrition was something they were working on, but that was simply the physical problems. 

If Technoblade wasn't there to witness Tommy's physical recovery he would've believed the boy had died, leaving behind a shell-like ghost of himself not unlike Wilbur. ( _Ghostbur_ , he can hear the man correct in his mind, and his heart clenches.) Every loud noise had Tommy looking towards the nearest exit, every bowl of soup had him whispering _"Am I allowed to eat?"_ in such a broken voice that made Techno lose his appetite, every slight raise in his voice left Tommy shaking and he couldn't blame it on the hypothermia that was cured days ago. Guilt gnaws at Technoblade's mind when he remembers how he wished the kid would shut up in Pogtopia, how he wished he toned down the bravado and boisterous laugh, how he wished Tommy would at least try to be mature. Now, the quiet _"please"_ and _"thank you"_ accompanied by soft footsteps and suppressed nightmares left Techno cursing himself for ever wanting such wishes.

But, there was recovery none the less. The drawstring on Tommy's pants was tied at an appropriate tightness now. He would crack occasional jokes, curse at Techno for calling him a child (quietly, and with mild fear in his eyes, but Technoblade has never been more relieved the be called a bitch in his life). The first few days where Tommy was bedridden and still mildly delirious were when they confronted the elephant in the room.

"Are you still mad at me?" Techno had asked one night while bringing Tommy dinner, voice as neutral as he could make it. He didn't say what for, and Tommy didn't need to ask. Tommy took the bowl, stared at the soup (mushroom tonight, instead of yesterday's potato), and glanced back at Techno. "You can eat it," Techno had a harder time keeping his voice neutral with that sentence, grief for Tommy's wellbeing slipping in. They sat in silence while Tommy ate the soup and Technoblade assumed that the silence was his answer but when he got up to leave Tommy's quiet voice (the words _quiet_ and _Tommy_ should have never been in the same sentence) stops him.

"No," Tommy quietly confessed and the boy had managed to stun Technoblade once again. "No," Tommy repeated, "I'm not mad."

"Why?" Tommy's eyes shifted from the window, he liked watching the snowfall, to Techno's. The sadness in his eyes was almost palpable, and it made Techno nauseous. 

"I don't know, Techno," Tommy chuckled, it's the first time Techno's heard him laugh since he found the boy in his basement and it didn't bring him any comfort. "Because you were right? Because if you didn't spawn the Withers, Wilbur still would have blown it to smithereens?" there was a bitterness in his voice, it was the strongest emotion Techno had heard yet. "I'm not mad because it doesn't matter anymore." 

And they leave it at that. 

He was eating, sleeping, walking, and talking, and that was all Techno could really ask of the boy. Once he was out of bed rest he helped Techno collect the honey from the bee farm he and Phil had made, he collected the scutes from the turtle farm, he would make the bed each morning (no matter how much Tommy insisted, Techno refused to let the boy sleep on the couch and instead made him take the lone bed upstairs), he was reading through the small library Techno had. And if Tommy stayed and watched the turtles longer than he needed to, or gave the bees new flowers every day, or left small sticky notes at his favorite parts in Techno's books, Techno said nothing.

Well, normally Techno said nothing, but today he decided to ask. Spotting Tommy making the trek back from the forest with bundles of wildflowers in his hands and heading towards the bee farm, Techno steps outside and meets him there.

"Why the flowers?" Techno asks, testing the waters with his tone of voice. 

"It's for the bees," Tommy says like it wasn't obvious, and Techno scoffs.

"I can see that," Techno lets just a hint of joking annoyance into his voice and is ~~proud~~ glad when Tommy doesn't flinch. "They don't need new flowers every day, they've got plenty growin' in there."

"Well not everyone can stomach eating the same thing every day, potato bitch," Tommy laughs at his own joke and opens the hatch to spread the flowers out within the farm. With his back turned, he can't see Techno's small smile. 

_He's doing better, he's happy here,_ the voices cheer, _he's safe here, you can keep him safe here, protect him._ Techno's come to accept over the past days that the voices like Tommy just as much as they like Phil. 

So, yeah, Tommy's recovery was happening. Enough so that Techno decided to give Tommy a proposal that night at dinner. It was some fresh bread with the mushroom soup tonight (Techno was still nervous to let Tommy eat solid food after the boy threw up steak on the third day) with tea made from the flowers Tommy got. They almost always ate in silence, Techno not much of a socializer, and Tommy not one for talking ( _not anymore, at least_ ). But tonight was different.

"Do you have any plans at the moment?" Techno asked and Tommy recognized the question for what it was, a proposal of a plan. However he's spent enough time with Technoblade to know the man will never give away what he's planning, not at first, so he goes along with the question.

"No," Tommy shrugs, "been kinda busy almost dying and shit." Techno restrains himself from choking on the bread.

"Not plannin' on returning to the clown circus," that remark earned a scoff from Tommy, "or L'manberg? Maybe Dream's kingdom?" and that one got Tommy's shoulders to tense.

"I'm exiled, big man, at least from L'manberg and Dream's kingdom, remember?" Tommy pokes at his food, appetite suddenly lost, "And with Logsted... no. I don't want to go back." 

"So you're exiled from L'manberg and Dream's kingdom, and don't want to go back to Logsted?" Techno asks again and Tommy's patience wears thin.

"Just ask your question, Techno," he snaps and Techno's heart swells to see some of that fire back in Tommy's eyes. 

"Wanna stay here?" He asks and if Tommy squints he thinks he can see a slight flush on Techno's cheeks. A few weeks ago, Tommy would've cried with relief at having someone around, someone to be with. A few months ago, Tommy would've laughed at the idea of stay with a traitor to L'manberg. A few years ago, Tommy would've bragged about being offered to live with _the_ Technoblade. 

Now, Tommy gives Techno a small smile and simply says, "yeah, I'd like to," to which Techno responds with a huff and a hint of a smile. 

And they leave it at that. 

The next morning the two of them bundle up and set out with axes to collect more wood to expand the cabin. Techno was fine sleeping on the couch for the week or so, but with Tommy being a permanent resident for the foreseeable future, he wants his bed back. Techno had sketched out plans to expand the cabin before Tommy even agreed to stay, having got ahead of himself. Converting the basement into the main storage area, the first floor into their living space, and upstairs would remain his area for the bookshelves and brewing stands. Off of the main floor, he'd add room for two bedrooms, and upstairs he'd add a third bedroom using the roof space from the lower bedrooms. 

_Philza bedroom, Philza Minecraft, Phil_ , the voices cheered, reading his mind for who the third bedroom was intended for. He prayed that Phil would accept the offer to stay in the cabin, because Techno knows he wouldn't be able to cope with losing ~~his father, _all of his family_ ,~~ him to government corruption as well. 

The ax of peace never lived up to its name quite as well as it did when it was cutting down trees for his retirement home. The routine he fell into was peaceful as well, cutting down trees or mining cobblestone, filling his inventory with as much as he could carry, and bringing it back to the cabin to give to Tommy, who would craft it into planks or shutters or stairs. Techno gave him an exact list of what they needed and told him as sternly as he could muster (and as sternly as Tommy could emotionally hear) _"do not start building without me"_ because damnit he wanted this house to look nice. And if TommyInnit was building it, it would not look nice. 

"I still think I should get the top room," Tommy complains as Techno drops off more logs.

"You are the loudest person I know, I don't need that above me as I try to sleep," Techno lies and he almost feels guilty but Tommy's small laugh and smile makes up for it. The truth is sometimes Techno wakes up in a cold sweat and has to clamber up the ladder to make sure Tommy's still in his bed, still exhaling breaths from no-longer blue lips. Sometimes Techno hears Tommy wake himself up with a sob in the middle of the night, and Techno can do nothing to help because Tommy hears him coming up the ladder quick enough to pretend to go back to sleep. So Techno and Tommy will both have rooms on the main floor because the boy being only a door away rather than a whole level soothes some of the worries in Techno's soul. 

"How much more wood do you reckon we need?" Tommy asks, glancing at their already large pile. 

"We're buildin' three whole rooms, Tommy, we need a lot of wood," Techno deadpans and Tommy sticks his tongue out at him. Techno ignores the face and heads back to the edge of the forest. He was going decently deep into the forest, not wanting to deplete the treeline around the cabin that camouflages it from a distance. This time he goes a bit further, not wanting to take too many trees from one area, and catches a flash of yellow. His hand is on the hilt of his sword in another flash. 

"Technoblade!" a raspy voice calls out and Techno's hand drops from the hilt. 

"Hey, Ghostbur," Techno gives a small smile as the ghost walks out from behind a thick patch of trees, "Phil mentioned you were comin'." 

"Yep! He said, and I quote, "Techno is shitting himself because he has to care for Tommy," and I said, "Okay, I can dodge the snow, I'll go check on them for you!'" Ghostbur gives Techno a bright smile and Techno curses Phil for mocking him when he isn't even there to defend himself. 

"Is Phil coming any time soon?" Techno questions and Ghostbur shrugs.

"There's a pretty nasty snowstorm on the edge of Dream SMP and this area of the server border, he might be a while," Ghostbur glances around, brow furrowing. "Where's Tommy?" 

"He's back home," _since when did it become home?_

"Can we go see him? I haven't seen him in quite a while," Ghostbur asks and Techno feels anger seep into him.

"Yeah, why is that?" Techno starts to walk back to the cabin with Ghostbur in tow. _Traitor_ , the voices spit at the sight of Wilbur, _he left him alone, left him with Dream._

"Well, Tommy had plans for this big party, he was so excited! It was the happiest I had seen him since he went on holiday, so I offered to pass out the invitations," Ghostbur's almost permanent smile seems to waver, "but when I got through the portal to Dream SMP, Dream was there. He told me that he was going to pass out the invitations because Tommy didn't want to see me anymore." 

"Why on Earth would Tommy not want to see you? From what I've gathered you're literally one of two people who were visitin' him," Techno scowls at Ghostbur and the ghost stops in his tracks, his grey irises seeming to darken.

"Dream said it was because I scared him," Ghostbur whispered, "he said I reminded him too much of Alivebur for him to want me around." Techno's hands clench so hard he feels his nails break the skin. 

"Wilbur before we go back home there's stuff you gotta know about Tommy's...vacation," Techno starts and he can already see Ghostbur pulling out some blue. "Dream was controlling him. He didn't want anyone to visit or talk to Tommy so Tommy would be reliant on Dream. He destroyed his things and forced Tommy into submission. Tommy isn't scared of you, Dream just forced you away." Something dark settles in Ghostbur's eyes and for a moment he looks like the man who planned to destroy his own creations. 

"Tommy's just a kid," Wilbur says bitterly, "I saw Dream make him throw his stuff away the first time but...I don't know. I assumed it was just so Tommy wouldn't instantly go back to L'manberg. I thought it was a one-time thing." 

"I don't think it was, Wilbur. But that's the thing," Techno can see the cabin in his view now, "Tommy's really...closed off. He's super jumpy and just not himself, okay? Don't expect anything from him, he's trying his best." He can't help the protectiveness the slips into his voice. Ghostbur nods, and his eyes look clearer than they have in months. Approaching the house, Techno can hear blocks playing quietly inside, and upon opening the door he sees Tommy sitting at the far window watching the snowfall once more. 

"Hey big man, got the last of the logs?" Tommy asks, turning around, and his eyes go wide once he sees Wilbur. 

"Hello, Tommy!" Ghostbur cheers and Tommy looks like a deer caught in headlights. His eyes swing between Techno and Wilbur, anger and fear and confusion clear as day on his face.

"I found him in the woods, Phil had mentioned he'd be comin'" Techno shrugs, trying to keep the atmosphere casual. Silence hangs between the three of them, and Ghostbur pulls more blue dye out of his inventory, gliding over to Tommy. 

"Would you like some blue?" He asks with a kind smile and Tommy looks nothing but hurt as he takes the blue dye and holds it gently.

"Why'd you leave, Wilbur?" He asks so softly Techno almost doesn't catch it. Ghostbur, however, hears it and shrinks slightly.

"Dream," Techno hears Tommy's breath hitch, "told me you didn't want to see me. He made me give him all the party invitations and told me that I scared you, so I left you alone." Techno doesn't miss the way that tears start to build in Tommy's eyes as he stares at the dye. "I'm sorry I believed him, Tommy." 

"Why would he lie?" Tears start to roll down Tommy's face and Ghostbur gives Techno a panicked look, "he's my friend. Why would he lie to you? Why would he _lie_ to me?" Tommy looks up to Techno, who had crossed the room and was crouched in front of him, for answers.

"Dream is not your friend, okay?" Techno says fiercely and his heart snaps at the way Tommy's brow furrows with confusion, "Dream used you, Dream lied to you because he's not your friend and wants to hurt you." 

"I-" Tommy starts but cuts himself off, glancing between Techno, the dye, and Ghostbur, "okay." He says softly and nods to himself. 

"Friends wouldn't destroy or take your things. Friends wouldn't kick you out of your home because of a joke that went a little too far." Techno waits for Tommy to nod before continuing. "Friends don't do what Dream did to you, do you understand that?" 

"Yeah," Tommy whispers and grips and ungrips the blue dye, "yeah, thank you." Techno's not one for loving embraces so he gives Tommy's shoulders a quick squeeze before turning to Ghostbur.

"Is it okay if I stay, Tommy?" Ghostbur asks from beside them and Tommy's gaze snaps up to him like he forgot he was there. 

"...yeah, Wilbur, it's okay." Ghostbur's usual smile reappears and he sits next to Tommy by the window.

"That's good, because this location is very pretty, I like it a lot." Tommy gives his brother a soft smile and starts the record over again as Techno picks his ax back up and heads for the door.

"Do we really need more wood, Techno?" Tommy stops him

"We do if I'm gonna build a fourth bedroom," Techno shrugs, glancing at the smiles blooming on his ~~brothers'~~ friends' faces, and they leave it at that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took a completely different turn than what I had planned out but once I got started on the domestic fluff I just couldn't stop. I hope it's a nice reprieve before you all get thrown into the thick of the angst next chapter lmao.   
> This chapter was supposed to be super dark and angsty and then I started writing about Techno being proud of Tommy recovering, and then they were building a house together, and then Ghostbur got there, and oh would you look at that the word minimum has already been met and I haven't even started with what this chapter was supposed to be about.   
> Also, take a shot every time I use parallel structure or anaphora in this story and you'll die from alcohol poisoning. I'm obsessed with the "now, this happened. now, that happened. now, this is happening." sentence structure and I couldn't stop using "and they leave it at that" in this chapter specifically. Let me know if I'm overusing it but I love doing little repetitions and callbacks like that that thread through the story.   
> Leave a kudos and/or comment if you're enjoying this so far! They make my entire day, especially the comments pointing out specifics that you liked! :) Thanks for reading!   
> (Also, this is being written at 3am and is barely proof-read, let me know in the comments if there's a typo lol)


	5. finding warmth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy seems to be having a bad day, so Technoblade gives him some chores to keep him busy and goes to check on where Philza's gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT:  
> Major TW for suicidal actions and thoughts, as well as potentially harmful coping advice. Check the bottom of the end notes if you need more detail for what that means. This entire chapter deals with these topics, but there are also some plot-important moments, so skipping this entire chapter would make future chapters a bit confusing. To skip the most triggering parts, but still get the plot parts, stop reading at the " /// " and start reading after you see it again. 
> 
> Again I'd like to reiterate that this isn't me making a judgment on any of the content creators' mental health or how qualified they are to help people. This is a story about the characters of the Dream SMP and nothing more.

This was stupid, he was doing better, _really_ , he was. But laying in bed, watching the sun get steadily higher in the sky from the window Techno pointedly made in his new room, Tommy couldn't help but feel it was all for nothing. Based on the fact that the sun was out of his vision from the window, it had to be at least 11 am, if not later, and Tommy hasn't moved a muscle since he woke up at 7 am. Back in L'manberg Tommy always prided himself on being an early riser, getting the most out of his day. Even back at Phil's small cabin, he would get up before Wilbur or Phil and sometimes even Techno, if he was staying over, just to have some nice time to himself. Exile had ruined that, much like it ruined everything else about him ( _ruined, beyond repair_ , his mind hurls at him, _wasting Techno's time_ ). All he ever had was time to himself, and he spent it laying in the small cot in his tent until the sun was almost setting. Dream had things to do, so even when he visited, it wasn't until past noon. 

_Dream took time out of his day just to see you_ , a part of him said, _you should be grateful he showed up at all._

_You shouldn't be grateful,_ another part said, _he was using you, Technoblade said so_. Recently that voice had always been the loudest, drowning out the thoughts still tied with Dream's thread. But all good things must come to an end, it's a bitter lesson he learned when his family came to an end, his home came to an end, his friendships came to an end. _Maybe you should just come to an end, too,_ he pulled his blanket over his ears in a futile attempt to drown out the thoughts he hoped were long gone. 

"Tommy?" A voice, Techno ( _not Dream, not Dream, he's not here_ ), called from the door, "I know you're awake, you never sleep this late." Lying would get him nowhere, Techno was smart and memories of what happened the last time he lied to the person who was watching him forced his voice into use. ( _Techno's not watching you,_ that part of him whispered, it's so quiet today, _Techno cares for you._ He doesn't want to get his hopes up, so he pushes that part of him so far down that it practically mutes.) 

"Sorry," Tommy mumbles out and rolls away from his window to face Techno. Techno had always been so unreadable, unfazed, but these past days have proven that untrue. Just a few days ago, when Ghostbur showed up and announced he would be staying with them, Tommy had seen unfiltered joy cross Techno's face. When Tommy would ask for food, rather than Techno insisting he take it, he wouldn't even try and hide the proud smile on his face. Now, Tommy can't feel anything but guilt that Techno wasted those emotions on him when he's back to being just as miserable as he was weeks ago. 

"You should eat," the plate was two slices of bread with honey on it, and two eggs. It looked like breakfast but the sun told him it was lunchtime. How long had Techno been waiting for Tommy to come to eat? How long had Tommy been ignoring Techno? The thoughts make him sick with anxiety for possibly upsetting Techno, so he shoved the comforter off himself and starts for the door. 

"Sorry," Tommy repeats and he sees Techno visibly stiffen. 

"It's okay," Techno's voice, however, was as neutral as ever. Tommy appreciates the consistency. The two leave the room for the small main floor, recently converted to the living/kitchen/dining room, but not before Tommy grabs the blue sweater Techno gifted him off the floor and tugs it on. Even with the fireplace constantly burning with the use of netherack, Tommy felt a familiar cold settle into him. They sit around the small table Techno and Tommy built together as Tommy pokes at the food and Techno picks his book back up. Ghostbur was on the porch outside, simply watching the snowfall. It felt domestic, it _should've_ felt happy, but Tommy couldn't bring himself to eat more than an egg and a few bites of toast before watching the snow through the nearby window. 

Watching as Tommy meagerly poked at the food before catatonically staring out the window, Techno felt dread pool in his stomach. He knows, logically, Tommy wouldn't just bounce back. The nightmares he could hear through the walls and the apprehension to everything were clear signs of trauma; but, with the past two weeks going so well Techno was hopeful that the teen had been spared the lasting effects of his situation. Obviously, he'd been naive, but there was nothing to do now but try and help Tommy. 

However, that's where the problem lies for Techno. Give him war and he'll win it, a weapon and he'll max it out, a cut and he'll stitch it. But he has no clue what to do when given a traumatized 16-year-old who's empty gaze out the window gives every indication of how he's doing mentally. 

_Help him, help, Technocare, Doctor Techno,_ the voices call out in a range of obvious to unhelpful remarks. _Give him more food, give him something to do, where's Phil?, get Wilbur._ Yeah, where was Phil? It's been two weeks and he hasn't heard an update, even after numerous texts. Wilbur would be of no help, Techno doubts blue dye is any kind of substitute for therapy. Forcing the kid to eat will do nothing but make him nervous. Giving him something to do will... maybe work? Gods, Techno wishes he spent just as much time looking into the art of therapy as he did the art of war. They need to check up on the bee and turtle farms and getting a set of netherite for Tommy and possibly Phil is already on Techno's to-do list. Checking on the farms was nothing more than a 15-minute task each, just making sure the animals are alright and collecting the scutes and honey. Ancient debris mining, however, took a while and a good amount of concentration. That could help, right? He could go with Tommy, make sure he did it correctly...but, he needed to head to the edges of L'manberg and check on Phil. 

"Shit," Techno curses to himself and glances out the window. It was snowing decently heavy, which pushes the idea of sending Tommy to the farms out the window. He didn't want to risk the kid getting hypothermia, even mild, again. The curse managed to snap Tommy out of his catatonic gaze.

"Is everything okay?" He asks quietly and Techno decides to take his shot.

"I'm just thinkin' about the stuff I need to get done," Techno admits, trying to approach the topic broadly. "I need to go back to the edge of L'manberg, and maybe Dream's kingdom to check on Phil. I haven't heard from him in a bit and he was supposed to get here a while ago. But I also need to get some netherite for him as well as you." 

"I could help?" Tommy suggests and Techno keeps hisw face neutral but hope blooms in his chest. Maybe this is what Tommy needs, something to distract himself, considering the way he offered to help. 

"Do you know how to mine for netherite?" Techno asks.

"Kind of, I've never done it myself but I've seen Fundy and Callahan doing it before," Tommy shrugs, "It's the TnT, yeah? You just make a tunnel, make a hole off that tunnel, throw a stick of TnT in it and check the crater for debris?"

"Yep," Techno nods towards Tommy's plate of food, "how about you finish your food, and then we'll head to the Nether? I'll get the tunnel started and show you about how far to throw the TnT, and once you get the hang of it I'll go check on Phil." Tommy's eyes already looked a little brighter at the prospect of having a task complete. 

"Sounds good big man," Tommy gives him a small smile and eats the rest of his plate while Techno gathers some TnT in a satchel for the expedition. By the time he has two bags, one for the TnT and the other for Tommy to store the debris he finds, Tommy's already finished his food. Techno doesn't try to hide the pride on his face before tossing the bags at Tommy and the two head for the Nether portal. 

"Where are you guys going?" Ghostbur calls from behind them, gliding from the porch to catch up with them.

"Netherite mining," Tommy says simply, and Ghostbur nods, following them. Tommy, in all honesty, liked the idea of having something to do. The trip to the Nether portal was short, and the heat instantly started to warm the chill that had settled into him. The dimension was comforting, in an odd, twisted way. As the three of them trekked through the land to find a good area to start the mine, Tommy tried not to make his gaze linger on the lava pools below. _It would be so easy,_ he thinks as he pauses next to one of the holes in the ground, _you could just slip, not even Techno's god-like reflexes could save you._ But, he reminds himself, Techno needs some netherite and also has to check up on Phil. Techno's given him his own room, a place to stay, and some food, which is more than Tommy's been given by anyone in months. _The least you can do is help the guy before offing yourself._

"Tommy? You comin'?" Technoblade calls from ahead and he gives the pool one last look before jogging to catch up.

"Yeah, sorry," Techno gives him one last look of concern before tunneling into the side of a mountain.

"Alright, so make a branch about five meters long," Techno instructs as he digs the tunnel and pulls out some TnT. Tommy can feel his heart rate spike and tries to disconnect himself from it. "Light the stick and roll it in, try to get it to be as close to the end of the branch as possible. But don't throw it, cause it'll just bounce off the wall and it'll explode too close to you." Techno lights the TnT ( _Not eleven and a half stacks of it_ , Tommy makes the point to remind himself) and rolls it down the tunnel. The explosion is minor, just enough to break the surrounding netherack without exploding the blocks around the three of them. The explosion is _minor_ , Tommy repeats to himself when he feels his hands shake and back go tense. It's not enough to blow up armor, _the armor that Techno gave you and hasn't asked for it back once (selfish)_. It's not enough to blow up a country, to rip apart the land and crumble buildings and lives. It's not enough to blow up the pathetic excuse of a home that Logsted was. _It's not enough to hurt you. Stop being pathetic._

"There's nothin' here, but that's fine," Techno's voice pulls Tommy from his thoughts and still his trembling hands slightly, "now you try."

"I'm going to wait at the entrance of the tunnel," Ghostbur says, voice strained with tension but cheery none the less, "I'm not a fan of the explosion. It's- I don't like it, I don't like explosions." He leaves before the other two can say anything. 

"It's probably bringin' up memories or something," Techno shrugs off but doesn't miss the way Tommy's hands shake when he gives the boy his pickax. _Maybe it's bringing up memories for Tommy as well, maybe this wasn't a good idea._ "We don't have to do this, you could just stay at home while I check on Phil." 

"No," Tommy replies a bit too quickly, "no I- I'll do this. You need netherite, yeah? I'll do this." Tommy doesn't let Techno respond before he digs a tunnel a little longer than it needs to be, lights the TnT, and rolls it as far away from him as he can. The explosion is a little inefficient, a bit too deep of a branch for it to clear all of the surrounding netherack, but Tommy doesn't flinch nearly as bad and his eyes don't glaze over again so Techno doesn't comment. 

"Perfect," Techno glances around the crater and sees a few chunks, "that's what you're lookin' for." Tommy hops in and mines out the chunks, still intermingled with netherack. "Don't bother trying to get all the netherack off, we'll just smelt it for scraps at home." 

"I think I've got the hang of this if you wanna head out with Ghostbur," Tommy gestures to the entrance of the tunnel, where Ghostbur was glancing around the edge. "Take him with you, he'll get all squeamish and shit with the TnT."

"You sure? I can ask him to stay at the entrance and keep an eye out," they both hear the "keep an eye on you" implied at the end of the sentence and it makes Tommy's shoulders go rigid. He's _fine_ , he's been doing _better_ , he can handle a single TnT explosion. He's handled worse, God knows that, he doesn't need his dead brother hovering around to make sure he's okay. 

"I'll be fine, Techno," the falsely confident chest puff Tommy gives Techno does nothing to soothe his worries, "I'm a big man, doing big man shit! Go check on Phil, he's all old and shit he's the one who needs help." 

Techno looks Tommy up and down a few times before sighing. "Okay," Techno huffs out, "see ya, nerd." He gives Tommy a small smirk and Tommy gives one back.

"Bye, Techno," Tommy gives him a small smile, that's almost a bit sad, but Techno tries to assure himself that Tommy would actually message him if he needed something.

Not only was he naive in thinking that Tommy wouldn't have lasting trauma, but he was naive in believing that Tommy would reach out for help.

The walk back through the Nether was tense, to say the least. Techno watches as Ghostbur glances around nervously, setting the walking pace quite fast as they get through the portal and start the walk to the edge of Dream's kingdom. While Techno was wanted in L'manberg, they had no jurisdiction of Dream's kingdom and the man had proclaimed himself an ally of Techno's. Having an alliance with Dream was a benefit in that regard, but Techno didn't trust the man one ounce; not after hearing Tommy's fearful cries of _"I'm sorry, Dream,"_ and the quiet confessions that the man destroyed his belongings, convinced him that no one cared. Technoblade didn't look into therapy, but manipulation that bad wasn't exactly hard to spot. The two men walked in silence for a long time as they made their way to Dream's land. It wasn't a long journey, less than a day if you went non stop, so the fact that it's been two weeks since Technoblade asked Philza to come to visit and he hasn't heard from the man since was worrying. Techno was hoping the man was stopped at a nearby village or was at least halfway there, so he could get back to Tommy sooner than a day. Sure, Philza mentioned a bad snowstorm keeping him stuck, but a storm didn't last that long either. It was concerning, to say the least. 

"What are you thinking so hard about?" Ghostbur speaks up suddenly and Techno almost jumped. Almost.

"If I'm being honest Ghostbur, I'm worried about Phil," Techno sighs, "it shouldn't take this long for him to get here."

"Maybe something came up?" Ghostbur suggests and Techno checks his communicator once more. He had messaged Phil four times since he called him when he first found Tommy. Each message four days apart, and each message without a response. 

_Technoblade: Phil are you still coming to help with Tommy?_

_Technoblade: He's doing better physically, but I don't think his mental health is good. I could really use your help._

_Technoblade: Phil?_

_Technoblade: I'm coming to the SMP lands to check on you._

"He would've told me," Techno grumbles, putting the communicator back in his pocket.

"Let me try calling him!" Ghostbur cheers and Techno rolls his eyes. If Phil wasn't responding to Techno, there was no way he'd respond to Wilbur. He hears Wil's communicator ring two times before it's picked up on the third, and instantly he's pissed. 

_Phil wouldn't ignore you, is Phil mad at us,_ the voices go into a frenzy, _why would Phil ignore you, Philza, why, why, why, why._

"Hello, Philza Minecraft!" Ghostbur calls cheerfully and waits for Phil's response before responding, "I'm calling because you're ignoring Techno. That's quite rude, you know?" There's a beat once more before Ghostbur hands the communicator towards Techno, "He wants to talk to you." Techno snatches the phone instantly. 

"What the hell, Phil!" He yells, not trying to hide his anger.

"Whatdya mean "what the hell Phil"?! Why'd you tell Wil I'm ignoring you?" Phil snaps right back.

"Because you are? Phil, I asked you to come over the second I found Tommy and messaged you four times after that, and you never responded or even showed up!" Techno can't remember a time he's ever been this angry with Phil. He'd been terrified when he found Tommy, Phil knew that, why would he completely brush him off? There's silence on the other line and a shaky breath.

"What are you talking about, Tech?" there's genuine confusion in Phil's voice, "You messaged me telling me you didn't need me to come over anymore, I haven't gotten a message since." 

"What? Why would I tell you not to come?" Techno's brain runs a mile a minute, "Tommy's still freaked out all the time, I really need your help with this. He has nightmares almost every night about Dream-" _Dream_. The person who was making sure Tommy wouldn't leave exile, the only person on the server who had access to all their messages and calls, the only person who could manipulate the server messaging system to send a message through Techno's communication, the person who could block Techno's messages from sending. He remembers Dream reassuring him that he doesn't look at the messages or tamper with them, that the communicator he gave him on arrival was completely untapped. Good to know he was allied with a manipulator _and_ a liar. 

"Techno?" Phil asks and Techno can hear the apprehension in his voice, "You don't think Dream fucked with our messages, do you?" 

"Why wouldn't he, Phil?" Techno sighs, "I hear Tommy at night. The guy seemed to do everything he could to keep Tommy under his control. If he saw that Tommy was gettin' help with me, and possibly even from you, he'd do what he can to contain Tommy again."

"That fucker," Phil spits out, angrier than Techno's heard him in years, "don't message or call anyone. We have no way of knowing what he's listening to. He could- fuck, he could very well be listening to this." 

"There's nothing we can do now," Techno's already turned around from where he and Ghostbur were standing in the field, making his way back to the Nether portal to get Tommy, "start heading over, no matter what it says I message you or what anyone says, come to my house. Don't mention this to anyone." 

"Already on my way mate," Techno can hear the rustle of wings in the background, "I'll be there soon."

"Stay safe," Techno doesn't wait for a response, hanging up and handing the communicator back to a very confused Ghostbur.

"What's going on?" Ghostbur asks as Techno stomps his way in the direction of the portal. Luckily, they got barely halfway before turning around. Tommy could very well be done with the TnT Techno gave him, and is already back home, but that entire conversation set Techno on edge. He had to go make sure Tommy was okay for himself. 

"Dream manipulated the communicators to block my messages and make it seem like I told Phil not to come. He's spying on us," Techno can feel the anger rolling off him in waves.

"Like Eret!" Ghostbur supplies uselessly.

"Yes, like Eret," Techno sighs, "now come on we're gonna go get Tommy." 

"Why?" Ghostbur asks and Techno stops in his tracks.

"What do you mean, why?" Techno asks, genuinely confused, "I had him collect netherite cause I actually need it, but also because I needed to check on Phil and couldn't do both things at once. He seems like he's havin' a bad day so I thought maybe giving him a task would help but that whole conversation's made me nervous. I'm gonna go make sure he's okay." 

///

"Oh I wouldn't worry, Tommy loves the Nether!" Ghostbur gives Techno a smile but the sentence only makes Techno's stomach drop. 

"W- what?" 

"Yeah, Tommy would always go sit in the Nether when we were on holiday!" Ghostbur smiles like he isn't telling Technoblade a story with terrible implications, "he even made a little bridge to sit on. He loved just staring at the lava, so much so that Dream would have to pull him away from the edge!" Techno was sprinting towards the portal before Ghostbur even finished his sentence.

_"Bye, Techno,"_ rings in his head, the quiet sadness on Tommy's face as he said it. He remembers how Tommy gazed down the hole in the ground on their way there. A hole that leads straight towards the bottomless lava pits. The way Tommy insisted he help Techno get supplies, insisted he was fine to be left alone. _Save Tommy, Tommy, TOMMY,_ the voices scream, _go to the Nether, he's dead, what if he's already jumped?, get fire resistance potions, there's no death message in chat, save him!, Dream's messing with the chat he could've blocked it!, SAVE HIM._ Techno fumbles with his inventory, prying a handful of pearls out and tossing one after the other in the direction of the portal. He leaves Ghostbur in the dust, leaving one dead brother to hopefully stop the other from meeting the same fate, as the portal quickly comes into view. One more pearl gets him on the steps and he's through the portal at a moment's notice. 

"TOMMY?!" The amount of fear in his voice is startling even to himself as he frantically looks around the Nether. 

_Check the tunnel, netherite mine, check the mine, find him, help him!,_ the chorus of voices in his head do nothing to help him focus. He's sprinting towards the direction of the netherite mine they started, pearls still in hand with no time to waste putting them away. Once the entrance to the mine, marked with a single torch above it, comes into view Techno makes out the shape of a bag on the floor. Coming to a halt at the entrance he recognizes it instantly as Tommy's inventory bag, completely with his armor in a pile next to it, and a full bag of ancient debris chunks. What would be a very valuable bag to anyone else makes Techno's heart rate spike even further.

"TOMMY?!" He calls out again, looking around frantically, "TOMMY, PLEASE!" It's all red around him, the red netherack with the red lava and the red trees, and it makes him not only sick but want to burn every single one of Tommy's red shirts. He curses the boy for wearing such camouflaging clothes.

_His sweater!, blue, it's blue, look for blue_ , the voices call and for the first time in years Techno's thankful for them. They're right, Tommy was wearing the soft blue sweater that he gave the boy to help with the hypothermia. Phil made it for him, along with Wilbur's matching yellow one, as a birthday present for the two of them. They share a birthday, Wilbur joked that they were twins. That he was part of their _family_. His head hurts and he thinks his heart is going to break out of his chest. Phil made it for him, he really wishes Phil was here, he gave it to Tommy, Tommy's wearing it. Where's Tommy, _where's Tommy, where-_

Technoblade sees a quick flash of blue, nothing like the sickly greenish-blue of warped trees, but a soft blue that screams home and family and he's throwing another ender pearl in that direction before he can even form a coherent thought. Standing there, on the very edge of a netherack cliff overlooking a lava lake, is Tommy. He looks every bit like the boy Techno found shaking and terrified in his basement two weeks ago. He's standing on the edge of a lava lake and left all of his belongings in an easy to find spot for Techno, it doesn't take a genius to realize what Tommy's planning.

"Tommy-" Techno starts but he came to this same realization this morning: he is beyond unqualified to deal with this situation. 

"Hi, Techno," Tommy mumbles and Techno takes a few steps closer. He can see some soot and singe marks on Tommy's arms where he rolled up his sweater.

"How'd you get soot on you?" Techno tries to continue the conversation naturally.

"I didn't dig deep enough branches," Tommy shrugs.

"When you first did it you honestly dug it a little too deep," Techno reminds him and Tommy shrugs again.

"I stopped caring if it got close to me," okay, not good. God, he wishes Phil was here. How could Phil even help? This was out of both of their leagues. 

"Okay, why don't we go home and get some magma cream on your arms?" Techno suggests and steps closer. Tommy's gaze is catatonic once more as he stares at the lava below. The picture isn't unlike how he looked just this morning, staring longingly into the freezing tundra. The juxtaposition between the boiling lava and freezing blizzard gives Techno whiplash. Tommy doesn't respond so Techno takes another handful of steps, getting close enough to pry Tommy's attention away from the lava and to him. The boy's eyes, which over the past week had been starting to shine blue once more, are lifeless and grey. "Tommy let's just go back to our home." Tears are flowing freely down Tommy's face and Techno realizes distantly that there's a pressure building behind his eyes, threatening tears of his own. _Don't cry_ , the voices whisper, _not yet, not in front of Tommy_ , they all seem to hold their breath in anticipation for Tommy's next move.

"Our home?" Tommy asks quietly and Techno lets a nervous chuckle leave him.

"Yeah, our home," Techno nods and steps closer, "Wilbur's waitin' for us."

"What about Phil?" The small flicker of curiosity in Tommy's eyes give Techno just the smallest bit of hope. 

"Phil's comin' too, my messages just weren't getting through so he thought I didn't want him coming over anymore," Techno pointedly avoids telling Tommy about Dream's involvement. He'll tell Tommy the truth the second the kid isn't a suicide risk, but for now, the white lie is necessary. "Let's go back home so we can prepare for Phil's arrival. We need to get the house clean, and then we could make some potato soup for him." 

"We always eat potato soup," Tommy gives a small laugh. It barely even counts as a laugh, just a strong breath, but it's music to Techno's ears.

"Well beggars can't be choosers Tommy, and Phil is definitely a beggar," Techno tries the joke and his heart swells when he sees Tommy smile.

"Potato soup sounds nice," Tommy says quietly and fully turns away from the lava to face Techno.

///

He's a foot away from Tommy now and sets a careful hand on his shoulder. He can't tell if it's Tommy's shoulder or his hand that's shaking. Maybe it's both. Techno nothing as he carefully and slowly leads Tommy away from the edge. Techno says nothing as he takes the long way to the portal, neither of them noting how the long way is the way that avoids all the cliffs or lava lakes. And Techno says nothing as Tommy bursts into tears the second they pass through the portal, only wraps the boy up in a tight embrace and rubs circles on his back.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," the words spill out of Tommy's mouth, "I don't- I was doing so good. I was doing _better_. I'm sorry." 

"It's okay," Techno rests his forehead on the top of Tommy's hair and encompasses both of them with his cape, "you were doing better, and now you're not, but that's okay. It happens."

"You- you spent so much time on me so I could get better," Tommy sobs in his shoulder, "you _wasted_ so much time."

"It's not wasted," Techno squeezes Tommy's shoulder's tighter, scared that the boy will slip away if he lets go. "It's called relapsing, and it happens. It's not good that you're...suicidal," the word feels foreign in reference to Tommy, bright, funny, happy Tommy, but Techno can't beat around the bush this time, "but the time you spent healin' isn't wasted. We'll work on it. You have to tell me when you're feeling like that, please, Tommy."

"Okay," the sobs wracking Tommy's body slowly die down, "I'll tell you. I promise. I'm sorry." 

"You're okay. It's okay." Techno makes a promise to himself to not leave it at that, to hold Tommy to his own promise, to keep an extra close eye on Tommy, and to not let himself so naively believe that Tommy will suddenly be okay. But he can't help Tommy in the middle of the tundra, so he guides them back towards their home. He lays out a plan for himself. Get Tommy home, and make sure he doesn't leave without Techno or Phil being with him. Go to the local villages and see if any of the librarians have books on dealing with trauma, or if any of the medics have some advice. Maybe see if any of the village cats have had kittens recently and get one for Tommy, so he's got a companion. Have a talk with Ghostbur about bad signs, and make him promise to tell Techno or Phil when he sees those signs. Running through the mental list calms Techno's nerves, and feeling Tommy curled up closely next to him settles them even further. 

He calms completely when he spots a set of large black wings set against the snow outside his house. Philza must have flown as fast as he could to get there so quickly, and getting closer his wings look like complete chaos from the rushed flight. Phil must be wearing new clothes, the shirt he had on was a much brighter shade of green than what he normally wears, and completely different from the snow appropriate light blue clothes he made with Techno. Getting even closer now, Techno can hear talking. Why was Phil talking to himself?

"I'm sorry mate, I don't know where either of them would be," Phil sounds unnecessarily loud, "I was just swinging by to check up on Techno, I haven't heard from him in a bit. And last I saw him, Tommy was at Logsted." Why was Phil projecting his voice so much? Not to mention, lying? He knew that Tommy was with Techno. 

Then, like a gunshot, the pieces click together. He can make out the outline of a person standing in front of Phil, his back turned to Techno and Tommy, and his green hoodie blending in with Phil's green outfit. He can hear how Phil's purposefully making himself heard from across the field, see how Phil has angeled himself so Dream can't see them coming up from behind. He's going to need to see a doctor after today's toll on his blood pressure, as his heart rate spikes once more at the sight of Dream. 

"Tommy," the boy was staring at his feet, likely unaware that Dream was less than a mile away from them, "take this ender pearl and throw it at the back of the house. Get inside and drink one of the lasting invisibility potions." 

"Wha- why?! What's going on?" Tommy asks, his body starting to shake once more.

"Dream's here," Techno doesn't waste time lying, needing Tommy to understand the severity of the situation, and watches as Tommy's eyes go wide. "Don't make any noise. Just get inside and drink the potion and sit down in one of the corners of the room." He hastily shoves the remaining ender pearl into Tommy's hands, "Go!" Tommy wastes no time to throw the pearl and Techno watches as it lands just behind the house, out of Dream's view. He waits ten seconds after he sees the lower level's doors close before making his way over to Phil and Dream.

"Hey Dream," he calls out and hopes his voice sounds casual, hopes Dream doesn't hear the fear that's coursing through Techno, "what do I own the visit to?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Your present is angst and a cliffhanger (but also this chapter is SUPER long so I hope you enjoy the big update at least.) I wasn't lying in the last end notes when I said be prepared. This chapter was meant to show how recovery really isn't linear, so I hope it doesn't seem like Tommy relapsed out of nowhere. I hope you all enjoy, as much as you can, at least.  
> The comments on the last chapter were so so amazing and made my week, thank you to everyone who commented or even just left a kudos! They really encourage me to update. Happy new year once again, I hope you all have an amazing 2021, and thank you for reading! <3  
> Also, quick question. How do y'all feel about the POV? I want to be able to have both Techno's POV and Tommy's POV so it's a very detached 3rd person omnipotent POV, and I switch between Techno and Tommy. Is the switch natural, or too abrupt? I try to let it flow from one character to the other because I'm not a fan of just using dividers and jumping POV, so LMK if it's working!
> 
> TW explained: Tommy stands on the edge over a lava lake in the Nether, it's heavily implied that he intended to kill himself if Techno didn't show up, and Tommy has internal dialogue contemplating depressive and suicidal thoughts. Techno sends Tommy to the Nether to do chores to distract him to cope, which in Tommy's situation is a harmful coping mechanism.  
> Again, that's not me trying to remark on how IRL Techno would help someone who is depressed or IRL Tommy's mental health. I want to make it abundantly clear that this is based on their characters, and I will immediately take this down if either of them expresses that they're uncomfortable with fanfic of this nature being written.


	6. verbal chess and future plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Dream's arrival comes a strain on Technoblade and Dream's shaky alliance and setbacks in Tommy's recovery. Luckily Philza is there to help (or hurt, in Dream's case.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for mentions of suicidal actions and thoughts, and panic attacks. Nothing nearly to the level the last chapter was, but still be warned.

Techno watched as Dream's shoulders tense for just a split second before the man turns around. His mask hid his face just as well as it always has, but it would take a fool to mistake the way his hand hovers over the hilt of his sword. 

_Kill, kill, kill him_ , the voices roar, _he hurt Tommy, Tommy would have died because of him, will he hurt Phil?, **kill him!**_ The intensity gives him a headache but he keeps his face bored.

"Hey, Techno," the faux-causal tone in Dream's voice grates on Techno's ears. "I spotted Philza flying over here in a hurry and thought I'd stop by to make sure you're okay. Though, I suppose it'd be stupid for me to assume you're okay, with the news and all." Even Phil tenses from behind Dream. 

"You didn't mention any news a minute ago," Phil says slowly, eyeing Dream cautiously. The masked man stands between the two of them _(have Philza hold him down, kill him)_ and glances back and forth.

"Oh, you must not have heard," the fake sympathy in Dream's voice sounds like a man placating a child he just hit. It makes Techno's stomach roll and Phil doesn't restrain from giving Dream a scowl. "Tubbo found a tower in Logsted and the place was blown to bits," Dream shrugs, "he thinks Tommy killed himself." 

Images of a boy hunched over the edge of a deadly lake come to the forefront of Techno's mind. Tommy's numb _"I stopped caring"_ as he gazed at the lava longingly. At least the pain and guilt that involuntarily show on his face serve to convince Dream that he doesn't know any better than the news he was just told. Philza doesn't have to fake his surprise, his glance flicking between Dream and Techno with fear. 

"What?! When did that happen?" Phil asks and before Dream can respond Techno steps closer.

"You said Tubbo _thinks_ Tommy...Tommy's dead," he can't bring himself to say it, not after what just happened in the Nether, "you don't agree?" 

"Ever observant, Techno," Dream chuckles and Techno wants to throttle him, "no, I don't agree. I think, no, I _know_ he ran away from exile. I found his tracks in the snow leading to some partially chopped trees about...I wanna say two weeks ago," the exact date clues them both into how much Dream knows. He's just fucking with them, at this point. "I was wondering if you've seen him."

"Nah, sorry," Techno shrugs. 

"Really? I find it hard to believe he could survive in a tundra without finding some shelter," Dream takes a step closer to Techno, turning his back to Phil and facing the house, "I'm not gonna be mad if he stayed with you for one night or something, Techno, I just want to know." 

"Haven't heard from him," Techno doesn't hold back a scowl, "he's probably dead in a field somewhere for all I care."

"You don't seem very concerned that your little brother is either dead or ran away from exile," Dream says with false confusion. 

"He's not my brother, just Phil's kid that I happened to know," the lie feels heavy in Techno's mouth but he forces himself to keep up the verbal game of chess. "And I don't know if you remember, but last I saw him I helped destroy his country. I could care less if he was dead." He prays Tommy stayed inside the stupid house, and didn't hear, or even worse _believe_ , the lies Techno was saying. His heart slams against his chest at the thought of Tommy dead in a field, he cares so much it hurts. 

"How exactly does someone run away from exile, Dream?" Phil speaks up for the first time in a while, snapping both of their attention to him. 

"What?" Dream snaps, turning to look at Phil, and Techno refrains himself from grabbing his sword. Noone snaps at Phil, not in front of him. 

"You said, and I quote, that he "ran away from exile" but that you haven't seen him," the messy feathers on Phil's wings puff up, "So he's not in L'manberg, and he's not in your kingdom. The two places he's not allowed. What's it matter to you that he's not where you left him?" Techno can practically feel the anger rolling off of Dream.

"Because the brats probably hiding somewhere _in_ the places he's exiled, Phil," Dream suddenly remembers that he's supposed to act nice, so he rolls his shoulders and sighs, "Not to mention he didn't have many supplies, and unlike you two I care for him, I'm his friend," Techno realizes that Dream must think Tommy's nearby and invisible. Maybe he could use that to his advantage. The mental game of chess complicates further. "I want to make sure he stays in Logsted so he doesn't hurt himself."

"He's been exiled for almost 3 months now, what makes you think he doesn't have supplies. He could've gotten diamond gear in that time." Techno shrugs casually and moves his pieces, "unless, he was losing his stuff, maybe even getting it _destroyed_. How could that even happen, _Dream_?" Techno watches as his move makes its effect on Dream, the man spinning around to face Techno. They stand intense silence, Phil giving Techno a confused look from behind Dream. Techno's eyes never leave the two dots on Dream's mask.

"You know Tommy, he's pretty reckless, he could've gotten them destroyed by his own doings. It's why I'm trying to find him because he's my friend and I want to make sure he's okay." Dream's mask shifts ever so slightly to look over Techno's shoulder. In the direction of the house. _Why is he looking at the house?_

_Tommy, help him, protect Tommy, Technobro, protect, protect._ Techno's migraine only furthers from the uproar of protective voices.

"I'm sure that's what you're doing," Phil puts a hand on Dream's shoulder and turns him to face him. Turns him away from the house. Phil looks nervous. _What's happening with the house?_ Anxiety thrums through Techno's mind, but he can't glance back to the house, can't trip off to Dream that someone's there. _He already knows, he most likely tapped your communicator, you told Phil you found him,_ the voices remind. Techno hates the lack of control. It's a game of chess where only Dream can see how much time is left. 

"Why'd you come in such a hurry, Phil?" Dream jumps topics and Phil gives him a sad smile. Techno can see the anger in his eyes.

"Had a bad dream, is all. Thought someone was hurting my family," Phil's hand on Dream's shoulder tightens and Techno can only assume the grip is painful as Dream instantly pulls away from the two of them. They stand in silence before Dream gives the house one more glance. 

"Well, if he's not here, I'll keep looking," Dream sighs loudly, "I'm just trying to make sure he's okay, I'm worried."

"Keep me updated, will you?" Phil says, once again projecting his voice, "Techno might deny it but we both care about him. A lot. I'm sure we'll both rest easier knowing he's safe." Techno finally follows Phil's gaze, towards the house. Towards one of the open window shutters, where the faintest particle effects can be seen. _Fuck_. 

"Will do," Dream says and starts in the direction of L'manberg, before pausing. He gives the window one more look, before finally walking away. The two men stand still, watching him walk away. Ever fiber of Techno's being screams at him to get to the house, _get inside, **protect Tommy,**_ but he waits until Dream is less than a spec on the horizon before breaking into a sprint for the house.

"Techno?!" Phil calls from behind him but he gives him no thought, rounding the corner of the house and nearly falling up the stairs. Techno bursts through the door, breathing heavily and gaze flying around the room. The open window was in his room, so he bursts through that door as well. 

"Tommy!?" He cries out when he doesn't spot the boy inside, panic subsiding for only a second once he remembers he drank one of the lasting invisibility potions. Muffled sobs were coming from his bed, just below the open window, and a small divot in the bed could be seen. 

"He's- he's just worried- I made him worry I made my only friend worry," barely coherent mumbling came from the spot on the bed, Techno tried his hardest to squint and find the faint outlines of Tommy. 

"Tommy," Phil's voice, calm and collected and grounding, sounds next to Techno. He's holding a small glass of milk and has a soft smile on his face, and Techno couldn't be more relieved to see him. "Toms I've got some milk, would you mind drinking it?" Phil walks slowly towards the bed and sits on one side of the divot, holding the glass loosely in his hand. Techno can make out the faintest outline of hands grabbing the glass. Tommy manages to drink barely half before his sobs make him choke on the drink. The milk takes its effect and the invisibility wears off faintly, leaving Tommy visible but washed out and mildly transparent. _He looks like a ghost, he looks like your other dead brother._ Techno feels himself shaking. 

"Phil he's just trying to help me," Tommy looks miserable, somehow even worse than when Techno pulled him away from the lava. "He wasn't watching he just wanted to make sure I was okay and I left him because I'm a terrible friend and he was only taking my stuff because he knew I'd destroy it and-" Tommy cuts himself off with a shark breath that leaves him hacking.

"Tommy, you need to breathe," If Techno appreciates Phil's calm and quiet voice, he can't imagine how soothing it is for Tommy. "Can I touch you?" Tommy nods violently and Phil slowly rests his hands on Tommy, one hand on Tommy's chest and the other on his hand. Phil takes exaggerated breaths and almost instantaneously Tommy tries to copy them. Techno makes a note to get advice on how to do that from Phil in the future. 

"What are five things you see, Toms?" Phil asks casually as Techno makes his way next to Tommy, settling down on the bed. Tommy's unfocused gaze flicks around the room.

"You, uh- T-techno... the wall, Techno's rug," Tommy lets out a shuttering breath that's miles better than his previous ones. "And, uh, the books. Techno's books."

"Good, that's good Tommy," Phil moves his hand on Tommy's chest to rub circles on his back but doesn't stop his exaggerated breathing. "Can you list four things you can feel?"

Tommy takes his first solid breath and nods, "You, the bed, uh-" he reaches his hand out and grabs the velvet of Techno's cape, "Techno's cape, Techno's sweater." Only in that second does Phil seem to realize Tommy's wearing the sweater he made for Techno and Techno watches as his eyes well with tears. Phil blinks them away and smiles at Tommy again.

"Are there three things you can hear?" Phil moves his hand from Tommy's back to his shoulder and pulls Tommy into his side. 

"You talking, the wind outside," Tommy moves his head from Phil's side closer to his chest, "your heartbeat." 

"You're doing great, what about two things you can smell?" 

"You, again, and- and- the soot. On my clothes." Tommy tenses up at that and Phil gives Techno a terrified look over Tommy's head. Techno hopes his look conveys _"I'll tell you later"_ and Phil sighs and rubs his hand up and down Tommy's arm. 

"What's one thing you can taste?" Phil asks and Tommy's brow furrows.

"What, you want me to lick you or something?" Techno snorts and Phil chuckles.

"There he is," Phil wraps both his arms around Tommy and the boy buries himself into Phil's side. He never let go of his grip on Techno's cape. 

"I'm sorry," Tommy mumbles into his side and Techno gets up to close the window behind them. He appreciated the fresh air but the chill was getting to him. 

"There's nothing you've done wrong," Phil shushes and shifts on the bed so Tommy was laying out on the bed, his head on Phil's leg. He runs his fingers through Tommy's hair and Techno unclasps his cape to rest it over Tommy, leaving him in his white blouse and black pants. He'll just light a fire to keep warm. The boy it out like a light before Techno even gets to the door of the room. Phil gently lifts his head off his lap and rests it on the pillows below, giving Tommy one last saddened look before following Techno out of the room. 

The two men fall into silence, Techno grabbing two mugs and preparing them some tea while Phil sits down on the couch with a huff, head in his hands. They wait for the tea to finish, Techno taking the kettle off seconds before it whistles to not wake Tommy, pours their tea, and sits next to Phil, handing him one of the cups. The two of them stare out the window, sipping their tea for minutes before Phil finally speaks up.

"What the fuck," he says plainly, voice dripping with confusion and fear and pain and every negative emotion Techno can think of, "what- why was Dream- how did- his _friend_?" Phil sputters out and Techno sighs, "Techno what the fuck has happened?"

"I don't know," Techno whispers, voice horse with emotion, "he never went into detail and I didn't want to push him to talk, it didn't seem right."

"Start from the beginning," Phil urges, "from when you found him in your house to now. Everything." 

And so Techno did. He told Phil how he knew someone was hiding in his house, just didn't know it was Tommy. How Tommy came out of hiding and was skinny beyond belief, shaking from fear and exhaustion and anger, and broke down sobbing in Techno's arms, both shying away from the touch and leaning into it. How Tommy was sick out of his mind for days, mumbling things about Dream and Ghostbur and Tubbo that he couldn't understand. How Tommy wouldn't eat unless explicitly told he could. How Tommy would give him a cautious and confused look whenever Technoblade showed him the barest of kindness. How Tommy said nobody cared about him (except Dream) and how he didn't hate Technoblade because "it doesn't matter anymore". How Ghostbur told Techno that Dream would destroy Tommy's belongings over and over and over again. How Tommy looked so happy at the idea of staying with Techno, and calls the cabin _home_. How Tommy flinched violently at the noise of explosions but didn't seem to care if they hurt him physically. How Tommy stood over a pit of lava and looked content with the thought of falling. How Tommy got the bees new flowers every day because he wanted to expand their diet, watched everything Techno did with such unfiltered awe and adoration, was so kind and thoughtful and so so _young_ and almost threw himself into lava just that morning. 

Technoblade didn't realize he was crying until Phil wrapped his arms and wings around him.

"You've done great, Tech, I'm so proud," Phil whispered and Techno let himself cry just a little bit more before composing himself. Tommy only just fell asleep in the room over and exhausted from the days' events or not, he was always a light sleeper. 

"Phil I don't know what to do," Techno leaned away from Phil and Phil let him. He appreciated the hug to ground him but he wasn't exactly a touchy person. "I'm not a therapist, and the only doctor within hundreds of thousands of blocks is Ponk." They both cringe at the thought of letting Ponk, the "I do mad science experiments on cats" Ponk, give medical advice to Tommy. 

"We'll work it out," Phil laughs and the fact that Phil can laugh about the situation, can find something to be happy about, makes Techno more at ease. "I don't have any need to be back in L'manberg for a while, nobody knows where we are," the _except Dream_ goes unspoken and Phil pushes forward, "and Wil's just over in the village and doesn't plan on going back to L'manberg soon either. We can all just stay here and help Tommy." 

"Okay," Techno sighs and nods, "okay," he repeats for himself. 

"Go on, make your list," Phil says and Techno chuckles. That man knows him too well.

"Well, first thing is making sure Tommy doesn't leave the house alone, after this morning it's not safe for him," Techno starts to rattle off to-dos and responsibilities and it grounds him. "We should come up with a list of projects, Tommy will get bored and run off if he doesn't have something to do."

"I've been meaning to set up a netherwart farm," Phil suggests.

"Good idea, that'll take a while. But we'll need some materials from the Nether and I'm not letting Tommy collect them, even if someone's with him," Phil nods in agreement.

"So no leaving Tommy unaccompanied, at least for the time being, and start making a netherwart farm. Anything else?" Phil asks and Techno thinks for a moment.

"I want to go to the nearby villages, see if the clerics there have any advice or if there are any books about trauma recovery in their libraries." 

"Oh smart," Phil nods, and Techno smiles.

"Also, when you were flying here," Techno asks, glancing at the door to his room where Tommy sleeps, "did you see if any of the villages had a cat population?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO holy shit it's been a while! These end notes are gonna be long so skip to the end if you don't care about my rambling.
> 
> I've been taking a small break from this story because I noticed I was feeling a little burnt out, and I didn't want to leave this unfinished so I decided not updating for a week+ is better than never updating again. Also, school just started again for me, my swim season also started, and I'm moving in two months! So my current plans for writing are to get this finished, TRY and finish my dream-team fic because I hate that that's just sitting there unfinished, and then pausing on any big stories until after I move and my swim season is over. I do, however, plan on taking requests on my tumblr! I recently made a [new tumblr](https://fl0ating-tree.tumblr.com/) that's specifically mcyt so send any requests you have to there and I'll try and get to them :)  
> That's enough of my personal life, now talking about dream smp. Oh my GOD have the recent streams been insane. This story is so beyond just a small canon divergence now lmao. It's one of the reasons I took a small break from this story tbh. It was hard to kind of put myself in the mindset of how I've characterized Techno, Tommy, and Phil after they're now acting SO differently in canon. It's whatever, and I've got some idea for one-shots or short stories connecting back to canon, but now it's back to pretending canon SBI is still a thing LMAO.  
> Thank you all so much for the love this story's been getting. I've had this chapter drafted for a bit, just meaning to finish it up and edit it, and when I first had some end notes down I had something along the lines of "wow almost 5k hits!" and now this story is at almost 6k hits, 800 kudos, and more than 50 comment threads. That's INSANE and I appreciate every single person who leaves a kudos or comment, even if the comment is a <3 or a full paragraph I LOVE writing on ao3 because of that writer/reader interaction :) It means the world to me and really encourages me to write more! Thank you so so much! 
> 
> TL;DR: Thank you all for being so patient and also thank you for the AMAZING reception to this story! I really appreciate every single comment, from full paragraphs to simply "<3", it always means so much. I took a small break from this story but I'm back now and hopefully I'll finish up the story faster. I just made a [new tumblr](https://fl0ating-tree.tumblr.com/) that's mcyt focused if you'd like to go follow me there :) I take requests and also plan on posting some more drabbles/snippets/writing analysis stuff there!  
> Next update should be out soon, thanks for reading!! <3


	7. improvement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surrounded by family, Tommy finally feels like he's beginning to heal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for brief mention of suicide attempts, but nothing severe. This chapter is almost exclusively fluff.

The encounter with Dream set Tommy back quite a bit. Techno knew, logically, that attempting suicide and seeing your abuser on the same day was bound to have negative effects but it felt like he was back in those first days, back when Tommy was bedridden and near-mute and looked both numb and miserable. It's been two days since the Nether, since Dream, and Tommy has yet to leave his room, having moved back into it from Techno's quietly yesterday night. 

It was currently just Phil, Techno, and Tommy in the cabin. Ghostbur had drifted off once the snow cleared to go "talk to the locals", whatever that meant. This left Phil and Techno sitting in silence, occasionally glancing at the locked door to Tommy's room. 

"When you said it was bad," Phil whispered across the room, "I didn't realize it was _this_ bad."

"It wasn't," Techno sighs, "he was doing a lot better. But the relapse coupled with seeing Dream..." Techno's sentence trails off and they both stare at the door with guilt and sadness. Phil glances around the room with a strange look of both determination and pain, he stands and knocks gently on Tommy's door.

"Hey, Tommy?" Phil calls, just barely loud enough to be heard through the door, "could you open the door please?" Phil stands there for a moment, and then another, and another, and then sighs, "It's okay if you don't want to come out," he says genuinely and goes to sit back down but the sound of the lock turning for the first time in days keeps him standing. The door cracks open and there stands Tommy, looking all too similar to how he was when Techno first found him in the basement. His eyes were dull, face sunken from not eating in two days, and he looked disgusting. There was still soot caked on his arms from the Nether incident, his hair, which had grown quite a bit over his exile ( _teach him how to braid it_ , a voice whispered), was practically matted with sweat and dirt, and he was still wearing the same outfit from days ago. Phil gave him the softest smile Techno's ever seen on the man. "Good to see ya, Toms."

Tommy says nothing, simply looking between Techno and Phil, and it's worrying, to say the least. 

"You've been in your room for a while, how about a change of clothes and a shower?" Phil offers and Tommy glances between Phil and Techno. Techno can remember vividly the day he visited Philza ( _went home_ ) and Tommy rushed down the stairs, standing with perfect posture next to Phil. "Look Tech!" He cheered and Phil rolled his eyes but didn't try to hide his smile, "I'm taller than Dad!" Tommy was barely 12, still called Phil "Dad", and was only an inch or two taller than Phil. The next time Techno visited Tommy towered over Phil, almost as tall as Wilbur. Now, Tommy stood so hunched over that from the right angle it looked like Phil was taller. It shattered Techno's heart further. 

Tommy opens his mouth to talk, but the words feel clogged in his throat, no matter how hard he tries to get them out. Instead, he shakes his head 'no'. He's shaking, but the fact that he just told Phil no without immediately breaking down, was able to tell Phil no in the first place, feels like an improvement. 

"That's okay mate," Phil says and glances back at the large sink in the kitchen, "would you be up for letting me wash your hair at least? And maybe just wiping some of the ash off your arms?" Even that sounds exhausting to Tommy, the idea of just talking made him tired. But the joy on Techno and Phil's face when he opened the door, the raw gentleness of Phil's voice (nothing like Dream's pseudo-casual questions that poorly concealed his demanding tone), and the determination in Phil's eyes made Tommy want to say yes. So he nods, and Phil's smile and Techno's proud smirk made the exhaustion worth it. Techno mumbles something about towels and clothes and shampoo before disappearing downstairs.

Phil held out his hand and Tommy wordlessly took it as the two walked over to the sink. Phil pulls over one of the chairs and sets it in front of the sink as Techno reemerges with handfuls of towels and two different bottles. Phil takes the towels and drapes one over Tommy's shoulder, setting the others on the counter along with the shampoo and conditioner Techno brought up. Techno disappears again upstairs, saying something about clothes, as Phil turns on the water and adjusts the temperature. 

"Alright, you can sit in the chair and just lean back," Phil gestures to the chair and Tommy sits hesitantly. He stares up at Phil as the man cups water in his hands and dumps it on Tommy's hair. "You might wanna close your eyes so you don't get shampoo in them," Phil offers and Tommy obeys, letting his eyes close and feeling the water run over his head. The sound of the water fills his ears, it sounds like he's underwater. It sounds like his in the ocean, just off the shore of Logstedshire with saltwater filling his nose and _burning his eyes and he's drowning, he keeps waking up drowning, but this time he's deeper than ever before and he can't-_

The sound of the sink shutting off snaps him out of it, along with hands leaning him up from where he was laying over the sink. "It's okay, you're okay," Phil's rubbing circles on his back as water drips onto his shoulders, "let's stop there." Tommy shakes his head, flinging water around the small kitchen. "No?" Tommy nods. "Tommy you don't have to, it's okay," Phil reassures but Tommy just takes a deep breath and leans back over the sink, letting his eyes slip close. The sink turns back on, this time at much lower pressure, and the water barely gets near his hairline as Phil takes extra care to keep it away from his face. The water is cool, but not too cold, and soothes the burning on his scale that he didn't realize was there. 

"I'm gonna put some shampoo in your hair now, Tommy," Phil asks quietly, "Is that okay?" Tommy gives a nod and hears the cap pop open, flinching only slightly ( _P_ _athetic_ , part of him hisses. _Improvement_ , another part, the one he thought left that day in the Nether, soothes.) He feels Phil rub the shampoo over his hair, fingers scratching lightly at the roots, and practically melts. Sure, Technoblade had given him the occasional hug and shoulder pat, but it's been so long since someone was so gentle, so loving, with him. He feels pressure build behind his eyes but refuses to let the tears gather, afraid that Phil would mistake the happy tears for sadness and stop. The shampoo smells distinctly like Techno as well, the pine scent of the shampoo mixing with the gentle sounds of running water and Phil lightly scrubbing his scalp had him both overwhelmed and relaxed.

"-ommy?" Phil's voice breaks through to Tommy and he cracks his eyes open. Phil gave him a proud, soft smile (it had been so long since Phil saw Tommy look so relaxed). "I'm gonna rinse this out, and then put some conditioner in and work on untangling your hair, okay?" Tommy gives a small nod and lets his eyes slip closed. Phil wrings the shampoo out of his hair quickly, clicking open the conditioner bottle and Tommy feels a small sense of pride when he doesn't flinch. He can feel the pride coming off of Phil as well. The conditioner has a similar pine scent as the shampoo and Tommy can feel Phil put a generous amount into his hair before feeling a comb start to run along his scalp. He sighs contently as Phil works through the knots in his hair, the amount of conditioner Phil used making it easy to work out the tangles. He can tell when Phil stops working on actually detangling his hair and starts simply running the comb through his hair, occasionally cupping more water over his head to wash out the conditioner, but he says nothing. He lets himself lay there, the water noise no longer suffocating and simply becoming a background noise as he hears Techno say something about water bills. Tommy cracks his eyes open and makes eye contact with Phil who's still leaning above him looking so happy and proud and loving that Tommy can't force the tears back this time. The small smile on Phil's face is replaced by furrowed brows.

"What's wrong, mate?" Phil asks, quickly shutting off the water. Tommy just shakes his head.

"...a lot," he manages to get out, voice thick and quiet, "...it's just a lot. Not bad." Phil reaches for the towel next to him, one hand on Tommy's back to help him lean up.

"Let's get the grim off your arms and get you changed and then you can rest, okay?" Phil asks and Tommy realizes that almost everything Phil says to him is a question, direct or not but never a demand, and it makes a few more tears run down his face. He nods again, senses still slightly overwhelmed, and watches as Phil dampens the washcloth and starts to wipe off the soot and sweat from his arms. Phil also hands him a smaller towel that he uses to somewhat dry his hair. It's only a few minutes before Phil is done, but all the touching compared to the weeks (months?) he went without any caring human contact makes his head fill with static.

Techno's in front of him suddenly, holding a pair of joggers, a new sweater, and some socks. "Here," he says quietly, and Tommy nods, standing and heading for his room. "Do you want help?" Techno asks and Tommy shakes his head, the idea of someone helping him change after all the touching even more overwhelming, and he closes the door behind him.

Techno hears the lock click and sighs, glancing at Phil. Both he and Tommy had looked so content as Phil washed Tommy's hair, it was a nice reprieve from seeing Tommy fearful all the time. But the once again locked door in front of Techno reminded him of just how far they still had to go to help Tommy. It would take time, but it's not like Techno had somewhere to be. 

The next few days showed similar small improvements. The day after Phil washed Tommy's hair, Tommy had asked if he could take a shower without prompt. Two days later he left his room to ask for food, rather than grabbing the food left at his door hours after it went cold. He still rarely spoke, only a few words and a nod or shake of the head, but it was improvement none the less. It was exactly a month since Techno found Tommy under his house, two weeks since the Dream encounter, when Techno left Phil and Ghostbur with Tommy to go find the village cleric. 

The villagers recognized him from the numerous times he's traded with them, but they still seem scared of him none the less. Quickly finding his way to the church, Techno knocks on the door. The door opens quickly and behind it stands one of the elder villagers. 

"Hello, Blade, how can I assist you?" The cleric widens the door and gestures for Techno to walk in, which he does, "I'm afraid I'm out of ender pearls, however, I do have some lapis in store if you want some for your brother." Techno doesn't bother to correct the title of brother and sits down on one of the pews, resting his head in his hands. "You seem troubled." Technoblade looks the villager up and down, contemplating on how much to tell him. Dream rarely came by villages, nevertheless talked to the villagers, and Admins and villagers seem to have a centuries-old grudge against each other that Techno could never understand. He decides on telling the villager everything he sees fit. He tells the man vaguely about his history with Phil's family, how he watched Tommy grow up, the rise of Manberg, Pogtopia. Occasionally the cleric would comment how the news of their wars reaches the village even this far out. Techno told him about finding Tommy under his house, his nightmares, how he got better slowly and worse quickly, how these past few days have been slow progress but Techno was worried that if Tommy had another relapse there would be no bringing him back a second time. The cleric was quiet for a long time, mulling over the information.

"The Admin seems to have done quite a number on your friend," he hums, not bothering to hide his anger when mentioning Dream. Good to know this village would be on his side were he to need a place to hide from Dream. "You're very observant, Technoblade, and you are smart as well. You already know that Tommy is dealing with trauma, PTSD and depression from the sounds of it," Techno nods, "so what are you here for? You already know he's suffering, and why."

"Advice?" Techno asks tentatively and the cleric sits next to him.

"I consider myself a lucky man for getting to have The Blood God ask _me_ for advice," it's a surprise to hear that his Hypixel legacy carried this many servers over. "I assume you're already doing the obvious of not pushing him and avoiding triggers?" Techno nods, "Well then all I can offer is that you don't let him collapse in on himself." 

"Heh?" Technoblade gives the man a puzzled look and he chuckles. 

"You aren't pushing him, which is good, but don't let him become stagnate. If he simply stays in his room, mute and barely responsive, he won't get worse, but he won't get better. And if he doesn't get better and has another severe trigger the consequences would be dire," Techno suppresses a shudder, "So, obviously with much caution and support, get him to do small things for himself. Ask him to help you with things around your home, join you on adventures. Start small, and work your way up. Positive reinforcement will be the biggest thing," the cleric stands and watches the sun start to reach towards the horizon. "Even on the smallest things, if it's an improvement, reward it. Reassurance that you care for him, even in the small things, can make a bigger difference than you would think." 

"Okay," Techno nods, standing as well, "okay. I can work with that." 

"I don't doubt it," the cleric gives him a smile. "If you need anything else, my doors are always open." Techno makes his way to the door before pausing. 

"Actually, do you happen to have any cats?" Techno asks and the cleric chuckles. 

"Matter of fact, the farmer's cat just had kittens. They're about 10 weeks." Technoblade follows the cleric's directions to the edge of town and meets with the farmer. The villager shows him the few remaining kittens he has, 3 black cats and 1 light grey one. Techno wasn't exactly a devote spiritualist, but superstition was in his blood. He pays the man 2 emeralds for the grey kitten and a large bag of food, he has enough bowls at home to dedicate one to the cat that he doesn't bother buying another, and rides home on Carl with near excessive caution. 

He doesn't bother knocking, it's _his_ home, and walks into the main room cradling the kitten in one arm and the food in the other. He was too focused on the squirming kitten to notice that Tommy was sitting on the couch, watching the snowfall through the window, with Phil making dinner and Ghostbur...knitting? That was new, but what was also new was Tommy sitting out of his room. 

"Is that a cat?" Ghostbur asks innocently and both Tommy and Phil's heads snap towards him. Phil's eyes soften and he gives Techno a smile, while Tommy looks at him in absolute awe. 

"Uh... Surprise?" Techno chuckles and walks over to the couch, sitting down next to Tommy. The kitten finally manages to wiggle his way out of his arms, flopping onto the ground and looking around with curiosity. They all watch and laugh (Tommy gives a small chuckle, _improvement_ ) as the cat stumbles around the room, climbing on everything it can reach and sniffing everywhere. 

"Where'd you find him?" Phil asks as he continues making dinner.

"The village south of here," Techno responds, "the farmer who's cat had kittens 10 weeks ago," Techno thinks about giving a small lie, pretending that he adopted the cat because it was cute, but then he remembered the cleric's advice. Showing that he cared for Tommy. "I thought it might cheer you up," he tells Tommy quietly, and Tommy stares at him with confusion before a small smile forms. 

"Thanks," Tommy whispers, his voice is scratchy from barely speaking the past two but it sounds beautiful to the rest of them in the room. 

"Looks like you already pick up food," Ghostbur gestures to the kitten food on the floor, "but he also needs a name! Maybe we should call him Friend, he looks like a friend." The three of them glance at Tommy, who's staring at the cat contemplatively. 

"Walter." 

"Come again?" Phil asks, startled by the assurance in Tommy's voice.

"He seems like a big man..." Tommy shrugs, "Walter is a big man's name." They all laugh, even Tommy, and Techno's heart swells. Tommy went to bed early that night, overwhelmed from talking and the new addition to the household, so when Phil knocked lightly to let Tommy know there was dinner ready he didn't expect the door to creak open. It was locked at all times for the past two weeks. What he expected even less was to find Walter curled up tightly on Tommy's chest, the two sleeping soundly. It was the first night in the entire month that none of them heard Tommy have a nightmare the entire night. 

There were good days and there were bad days, but finally, _finally_ , it seemed like the good was outweighing the bad. Following the cleric's advice, Techno offered Tommy small chores in the house. Grabbing him some iron from downstairs, fold the laundry, hand him the salt from the other counter. Phil took on the reassurance, constantly telling Tommy how much they care and leaving him small notes on his dinner plate. Ghostbur easily took over the positive reinforcement. Any time Tommy did something even remotely positive for himself, Ghostbur gave him some blue. Techno thought it was a bit stupid at first, but after seeing the small collection Tommy was building that he seemed very proud of, Techno didn't question it. Slowly, ever so slowly, Tommy was recovering. 

It had been 3 weeks since the Nether, since Dream, and Techno was reading by the fire well past midnight. Tommy had taken to talking more recently, nothing near what he was like months ago, but it was an improvement nonetheless. 

"Techno," a voice behind him whispers, and Techno turns around to see Tommy dressed in sweatpants and that blue sweater that Techno's accepted isn't his anymore, his hair still damp and in his eyes. Tommy had started taking showers almost daily now. Improvement. Techno hums in acknowledgment and just now notices the hair tie Tommy's nervously fiddling with.

"Would you....would you mind braiding my hair?" Tommy's voice is barely audible. Techno thinks he can feel his heart stop as pressure builds behind his eyes. He had asked Tommy if he wanted his hair braided once, a few days after the Dream incident, and the boy shook his head 'no' vehemently. The fact that Tommy was asking, unprompted, was the best thing Techno thinks has happened this whole month. 

"Of course not," Techno sets his book on the side table and gestures to the spot on the couch next to him, "sit." 

Tommy complies quickly, next to Techno and handing him the hair tie. The shift so they're sitting perpendicular to the couch back, Techno leaning against the armrest and Tommy nearly laying on Techno's chest. Techno silently runs his fingers through Tommy's hair, brushing up the remaining tangles and sectioning it off into 3 parts. The feeling isn't unlike all those weeks ago when Phil washed his hair in the sink. It feels a bit childish, but the soft pull on his hair and the feeling of fingers scratching his scalp overrides the embarrassment of being so vulnerable in front of Technoblade. 

Techno takes much longer than needed to braid his short hair, but neither of them comments about it. Walter curls up on the back of the couch and purrs quietly as Techno ties off the braid and pats Tommy's shoulder to let him know he's done. They shift so they're both watching the snow through the window in front of them, Techno going back to reading his book as Tommy shifts nervously, glancing at Techno every few seconds. 

"You can ask me whatever your thinkin'," Techno says quietly and Tommy's shoulders tense before slumping as he fiddles with his hands.

"Could I...uh, lay on the couch," Tommy gestures vaguely to Techno, "with you." Techno isn't one for physical contact, and that must be apparent because Tommy instantly starts again, "not like, lay on you, just. Could I lay on the couch while you read?" Techno gives him a curious look before shrugging, thankful for the fact that even when he's traumatized from his own boundaries being broken, Tommy respects Techno's. 

"Go ahead," Techno offers and keeps his eyes firmly on his book as Tommy curls up quietly on the other end of the couch, pieces of his bands falling out of the french braid. They sit in amicable silence as the snow falls outside and Techno is confident that if Tommy fell again, he would be there to lift him back up. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone catch the almost-title-drop in here lmao. SO SORRY for the lack of updates. Life has been super chaotic lately and I didn't have a good time to just sit down and get a chapter out. The way I write is I only really do one sitting. I sit down, write for 2-5 hours, read it, edit, and then post. (This chapter is barely edited but I really wanted to get it out lmao, sorry for any grammar or spelling problems.) So the majority of the process happens in one night. I haven't had a night where I'm in a good enough mood or have the time to sit down for hours on end and write, but hopefully, next chapter will be different. Next chapter is actually what this story started out as, the concept at least, so I'm super excited for it! I can't believe this story is almost over, I'm almost positive this is the longest I've ever spent on a fic.  
> This was super fun to write! It's a nice break from the angst, and I don't know why but super sensory descriptive scenes are my FAVORITE so I decided to try my hand at it with this chapter. 
> 
> Kudos and comments are appreciated :) Also, if you have any story requests leave them in the comments, with this story almost done I'll need a new one to work on lol.


	8. justice and recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was four months since Tubbo exiled Tommy, two months since Technoblade found Tommy under his home, and one month since Tommy's relapse. That month had been filled with setbacks, sure, but also healing and recovery at a pace Technoblade thinks only someone like Tommy could manage.  
> How will that month of recovery hold up to Dream's arrival?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for gaslighting, violence, description of injuries and infliction of injuries, lots of swearing, and mention of past abuse. This chapter is the most violent so far, but I don't think it's enough to warrant the graphic violence warning. Still, be warned, this chapter has some pretty explicit gaslighting and violence. 
> 
> Thanks for the patience on this update, I wanted to make sure it was perfect. It's really long, the longest chapter actually, and I debated cutting it up and extending the chapter count for this, but I didn't want to keep people waiting longer than they have already. So here we go, last chapter boys, let's all hold hands :)

When Technoblade said he was going into retirement, he thought it would mean uneventful days; and there was nothing wrong with that, it's what he wanted, in fact. After years of being the Blood God, spreading anarchy and chaos, and being the raining champion in numerous servers' competitions, the thought of doing nothing all day but reading and exploring was heavenly. Yet life still likes to keep him on his toes, so his days in retirement have been everything but uneventful. Helping Tommy recover, and slowly rebuilding not only their relationship but his relationship with Philza, has taken up most of his days. 

The first month with Tommy was eventful in its own ways. Figuring out exactly what had happened to Tommy in his two months of exile was his main goal, and it wasn't hard to accomplish when the boy would mumble out clues in his sleep ( _nightmares_ , chat reminds him, _nightmares that kept you awake, too,_ ). Then there was Ghostbur, with his ever cryptic memories of what he saw when Dream was in Logstedshire. Then came figuring out where on Earth Phil was. Then came finding out Dream was tapping their communicators. Needless to say, it was eventful. But it was eventful in the way this damned server normally was. Tensions and mysteries and piecing together clues. 

However, after Dream's visit and Tommy's attempt, it was a new kind of eventful. A kind Technoblade was entirely unequipped to handle. 

Tommy had gone shell-shocked in those first few days after Dream's visit. Once he and Phil ( _most Phil_ , a voice laughs, _Dadza_ ) managed to chip through Tommy's shelf, life became eventful in the fact that Techno had goals again. It wasn't just sitting around and aimlessly collecting gear (the Wither skulls hidden in the mountain mock him. _N_ _ot today,_ he thinks, _not for a while_ ), it was helping Tommy heal. 

A few years ago, Techno would deny even knowing Tommy's name, only referring to him as "that kid that hangs around Phil". A few months ago, Techno would've mocked the idea of caring for someone who betrayed him. Now, Techno would be a liar if he denied caring about Tommy, denied wanting to help Tommy. 

Every few days into Tommy's recovery Techno would sit down, sometimes with Phil, sometimes with Ghostbur, sometimes with both and sometimes with neither, and write down how Tommy's improved and what still needs work. They have a list of things Tommy has told them triggers him and a list of things that seems to trigger him but Tommy hasn't explicitly admitted. There was also a page dedicated to advice the cleric gives him, ranging from coping mechanisms to vague pieces of advice that if Techno thinks too hard about he thinks they might be directed at his own mental health. ( _You need support, too,_ the cleric told him quietly one night, _there is only so much one man can do._ ) It was all collected in a small leather notebook conveniently dubbed 'The Tommy book' by Ghostbur. Phil had praised him for putting so much effort and time into Tommy's recovery, but he brushed it off as 'I don't half-ass anything, Phil'. 

Whether it was through the dedication on Techno's part, Phil's support, Ghostbur's seemingly endless supply of blue, Tommy's own sheer will power, or some combination of all of that, Tommy was recovering faster than Techno could've ever expected. There were still pieces of him that would never be the same, as the case with trauma normally is, but seeing Tommy loud and energetic and _stable_ again brought a small smile to his face. A few months ago, Techno would say he was happy because a happy Tommy meant a happy Phil, and he only cares about Phil. Now, Techno thinks he's done lying to himself. 

The four of them had built a calm routine over the past month. There was still someone with Tommy when he left the cabin (he doesn't think he'll ever get the image of Tommy standing over a lake of lava out of his head) but he was doing well enough to be allowed to wander the cabin and grounds freely. They even left him alone in the cabin for short periods of time. Tommy seemed relieved at the freedom it gave him and not like he was planning something, so Techno put it down as another improvement.

Phil wakes up before both of them (there's a bad joke about an early bird somewhere in there, he leaves that thought to the voice to laugh about) and makes breakfast. Tommy and Techno both get up, the three of them eat breakfast, and somewhere along the way Ghostbur might join them. Sometimes the spirit wanders his way back to L'manberg, but he's been around the cabin more and more as of the last month. Then Phil will go and work on the Nether wart farm, and Techno will check on his farms. Sometimes Tommy joins him, sometimes he doesn't. Techno wanders back to the cabin around mid-day and finds Tommy either reading or cleaning, and he reminds Tommy that he doesn't have to earn his place in the house, and Tommy tells him that he knows. The first few times he caught Tommy doing it, it wasn't hard to hear the lie in his reassurance that he's doing it because he wants to. Now, Tommy seems to genuinely enjoy the routine ( _Maidinnit_ , a voice laughs, and a few others make some remarks about him being a child).

Some days they'll go explore new parts of the world (Techno always has them walk past Logstedshire, something about exposer therapy that the cleric mentioned. The last time they walked past it Tommy didn't even freeze. _Improvement)._ Some days the three of them will go mining. Some days Techno goes back to the village to talk with the cleric. Some days those visits with the clerics turn into therapy sessions for himself. He offers the cleric stacks of emeralds for payment and the cleric turns down the offer every time. 

Slowly, but surely, his eventful goal-driven days meld into a true retirement. 

Technoblade woke up that morning to no smell of frying eggs or fresh bread of Phil's cooking, and it's a testament to his own recovery that he doesn't instantly reach for his sword and shield. Instead, he rubs the sleep from his eyes and wanders out of his room to the main floor. He spots Tommy lounging on the couch, rereading a book he saw him with last week. Guess he'll have to stop by the librarian's shop again. 

"Where's Phil?" He asks and Tommy flinches at the sudden break in silence. He hadn't done that in a while, it was something they put in the 'improved' section of The Tommy Book, so the jumpiness isn't a good sign. 

"Gone off to L'manberg," Tommy mumbles, he must've woke up recently as well, "something about...something about Tubbo needing him. He didn't explain much." 

Techno's shoulders stiffen. Tubbo was still an incredibly sensitive subject for Tommy, one of the things they were working on. There was a reason Phil didn't explain much, Tommy always seemed to have a sour day if Tubbo was mentioned even once. 

"I'm sure it's just some dumb government stuff," Techno tries to keep the conversation light, but Tommy's lack of reply shows that he's obviously not in the mood to even joke about it. "I'll message him, see if it's anythin' specific."

"Hasn't Dream fucked with your com? It'd be stupid to message him," Tommy snaps and Techno realizes a little late that he's having a bad day. Now more awake, Techno sees the way Tommy's shoulders seem tense, the way he keeps Techno in the corner of his eye, the way he's positioned so he can see all entrances of the room. Tommy's bad days now are nothing compared to his bad days from earlier this month, and don't hold a candle to his bad day from last month (don't imagine him standing over the lake, _don't_ ), but they still caused some problems. Somedays Tommy's bad days entailed him clinging to Phil like a lifeline, some had him cursing and yelling at everyone in the cabin, some had him locked in his room. Techno can't quite tell what this one is. 

"He already knows that we know, no point in hidin' it," Techno shrugs, starting to make breakfast for himself with Phil gone, "want your usual?"

Tommy hesitates, shoulders still tense and eyes on guard, "...I'm alright," he says, before quickly adding "thanks, though."

"I'll make you an egg and some toast, in case you change your mind," he keeps his voice casual, making it seem like he's doing it for himself, and not out of pity. That was one of the things he and Phil learned set Tommy off. If he thought something was being done out of pity, he'll curse at anyone in the vicinity and refuse help for the next two days. 

Tommy hesitates again, but his shoulders drop just slightly as he mumbles a quiet "okay, thanks," and they fall into amicable silence; Tommy reading and Techno cooking. It was sickeningly domestic, and exactly what Techno had hoped for in his retirement. Techno sits at the small kitchen table and eats his breakfast while Tommy reads his already read book.

"Thinkin' about going to one of the villages past my usual one," Techno fills the silence, "wanna come?"

"I'm good," Tommy says simply. It seems like this bad day was one where he just wanted to be left alone. Techno thanked the world silently for that. Ghostbur was good with the days where Tommy wanted to scream, he'd simply take Tommy on a walk and let the boy curse him out and snap at him. Phil was good for when Tommy wanted someone to cling to, and if Techno was being honest, it seemed like Phil was happy to make up the time lost in Tommy's childhood to coddle the boy. Techno was good at neither of those days and with both Ghostbur and Phil in L'manberg, he's thankful he can let Tommy have his privacy without worrying about comforting him incorrectly. There's not much you can do wrong about leaving the guy alone when he wants to be left alone. 

"Call me if you need something, or just want to talk, this village is further away than the others so I'm gonna be pretty bored and I wouldn't mind chattin' on the way there or back," Techno phrases it like he's the one who needs Tommy to call him, something he learned from the cleric. Tommy never responded well to their blatant request that he speaks up if he needs anything, so now he makes the request more casual so Tommy doesn't think it's out of pity. Tommy gives him a thumbs up and they leave it at that. 

Tommy's been alone in the cabin before this, but not for this long. The village Techno wants to travel to is just northeast of his usual village. He'd run the nearest village dry of books and supplies, so he'll have to start traveling further until they replenish their stocks.

"You can also call Phil or Ghostbur if you want to chat," Techno reminds, "but call Phil if it's an-"

"if it's an emergency, he can get here faster and Ghostbur isn't exactly reliable," Tommy cuts him off with a poor impression of Techno's voice, "I _know_ , Techno, you can fuck off now." Oh, so today's bad day is a mix of 'leave me alone' and 'i hate my entire family', wonderful, ( _You think he's family,_ a voice coos, _Technolove,_ he pointedly ignores the 'awws' sounding in his head). 

"Just remindin' you," Techno shrugs as he straps on his armor and prepares his gear bag. He's nearly out the door before he pauses, "I was thinking of gettin' new books, any specific genre you want?" He doesn't bother asking if Tommy wants new books. He never re-reads books unless he's out of new ones, and the kid refuses to accept a gift, so Techno's resorted to pretending like the books are for him and seeing if Tommy will give input.

"...history, maybe?" It's the first time Tommy's actually given an answer other than 'get what you want, they're not for me,'. _Improvement_. Techno smiles. Wilbur loved history, too. _(He made it, as well)._

"Sounds good," Techno shrugs, keeping his voice ever-casual, and waves Tommy goodbye before saddling up Carl and heading out. 

The trip is incredibly uneventful. He was hoping that maybe Tommy would call him to at least yelling at him or complain about something meaningless, but even with how much he's recovered Tommy isn't one for small talk anymore. Hopefully, that will be another improvement Techno can add to The Tommy Book. Never did he think he'd miss the days Tommy wouldn't shut up. He feels almost guilty for how he treated Tommy in Pogtopia, always brushing the kid off and telling him to quiet down. Their current situation almost feels like karma. Whether it was past guilt or current boredom that encouraged him, Techno pulls out his communicator and messages Tommy.

_Technoblade: Anything else you want me to look for at the new village?_

_Technoblade: They will have more than the one I normally go to, hopefully. It's further away too so it might have new things._

Tommy stared at the messages on his communicator and contemplated responding. He woke up much earlier than normal that morning because of a nightmare. It was the usual one, the one that felt like it lasted years. He was stuck in Logstedshire and no one, not even Dream, came to visit. He couldn't even leave and explore, some invisible force only possible in dreams keeping him stuck in Logstedshire. Completely and utterly alone. That dream always made him want to cling to Phil for the entire day, but when he got out of bed he found Phil packing his bag. Fear struck him hard, and dwindled only minutely when Phil told him he wasn't leaving forever, just had to go to L'manberg on Tubbo's request. Tubbo, the reason he was in exile ( _who stuck with you through everything_ ). Tubbo, his best friend ( _the reason you're in this situation in the first place_ ). Thinking about him made his head and heart hurt. He wasn't about to demand Phil stays in the cabin to baby him though, so he let Phil leave and decided on reading for the day. Then he remembered that he was out of new books, and he despised re-reading books, but he despised being left alone with his thoughts more so he sucked it up. Then Techno told him he was going to a village, a far one at that, and Tommy _knows_ Techno didn't like it when he was clingy no matter how much the man denied it so he let Techno go alone. 

_TommyInnit: toys for walter_

_Tommyinnit: can you message phil when he'll be back?_

Guilt gnawed at Tommy for bothering Techno, but quiet echoes in his head reminded him of the amount of care and effort Techno gave him. As much as his mind persists that Techno and Phil and even Ghostbur hates him ( _the thoughts sound so much like Dream_ ), the logical part of his brain points out all the times they help him, points out how they absolutely do not need to be helping him. Still, he can't help but feel like he's messed up somehow when Techno's reply doesn't come for almost another hour.

_Technoblade: Sorry for the delay I was waiting for Phil to respond. He said he should be back before noon. He just had to show up for a town meeting. Ghostbur's with him as well, but who knows if he'll come back with Phil._

_Technoblade: I'll see if they have toys and cat treats_

Tommy lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Glancing outside, it looked like it was around 9am. Only three-ish hours until Phil is back and he can curl up on the couch and ask him useless questions with answers he already knows. 

That was something he was doing again lately, talking uselessly. Dream would always get pissed off whenever he asked dumb questions or talked just to fill the silence; and while it was terrifying to try and do it again now, the genuine joy on Phil's face when Tommy would start rambling and the unfiltered pride on Techno's face when he asked pointless questions were starting to break down that fear. 

There were a lot of things that Dream beat into him ( _figuratively and literally,_ a bitter part of him thinks) that he's finally unlearning. When someone asks for something, he doesn't feel adrenaline and fear flood his veins. When Techno gives a snide or sarcastic reply to one of his jokes, he doesn't shut down completely. He gets up instead of sitting in his bed all day and he talks, admittedly less than he would've months ago, but talks nonetheless to Ghostbur or Techno or Phil or Walter or whoever will listen. He keeps up with his hygiene instead of letting himself collect dust on his bed. He hears Techno talk to Phil at night, go over the things he's doing better about and the things he's doing not so good at; and instead of hearing them talk about how disappointing it is that he isn't completely recovered, he hears nothing but determination and pride. He can lay over Phil's lap dramatically and not flinch when Phil runs a hand through his hair, he can turn his back on an entrance to the room, he can have someone make a snide comment to him and not cower for the rest of the day. And on the days he can't do any of that, his family still sits with him, still let him exist, and he thinks that's healing.

A knock at the door pulls him from his thoughts and glancing out the window at the sun he realizes he's been sitting with his thoughts for almost two hours. It's another proof of healing that he was able to be with himself alone and not collapse. Setting his book on the side table, he stands and goes to open the door. It's nearly noon, Phil must have gotten out of the town meeting early. Or maybe Ghostbur got bored and wandered back home.

"Why the fuck are you knocking to enter your own house-" Tommy grumbles as he swings open the door to greet Phil. The man at the door is definitely not Phil, but at least he's got the green clothing. Phil's green was a soft deep green, emerald and forest and juniper greens mixing with a pale white. The disgustingly neon green hoodie in front of him was so not Phil, so very Dream, that it gave Tommy whiplash. 

"So this is where you've been," Dream says casually, like his presence alone isn't giving Tommy heart palpitations. "I mean, I always knew you were here, I just had to wait until Techno and Phil left to come grab you."

"H- How, why, what-" Tommy stutters, stumbling backwards into the cabin. Dream simply matches his steps, following him inside and swinging the door closed behind him.

"How? Well, maybe talking about how you're alone on communicators that you _know_ are tapped isn't the smartest idea," Dream laughs, "unless, you made it easy for me." Dream pauses, pretending to think, before gasping, "Oh, Tommy, you were trying to let me know when I could come save you, weren't you?"

"Wh- what?! What the fuck are you on about?!" Tommy yells, still backing up. 

"You were leaving obvious clues so I could come get you away from Technoblade," Dream's tone is sickeningly sweet, "because I'm your friend, and you knew you messed up when you ran away, but you couldn't escape Technoblade and Philza." 

"No, I wouldn't- what are you-"

"Come on now Tommy, stop lying," Dream sighs, "I'm the only person who cares about you. I'm your only friend. You wanted me to come save you, it's why you left me hints. Because you miss me." 

"What are you _talking_ about-"

"Let's leave, Tommy," he only just now realizes he's backed himself into a corner, between the wall and the kitchen counter, stupid _stupid_ move, "you aren't safe here, Technoblade is just trying to gain your trust so he can use you to get to Tubbo."

"Shut the fuck up-"

"You know I'm right, _stop lying,_ " Dream snaps, tone shifting coldly. Tommy grabs his communicator out of his back pocket and hides it behind his back, "you think _Technoblade_ cares about you?" he thanks every god he can think of that he put Techno on speed dial on his communicator, "this little runaway dream was fun and all, but it's been really hard on me, Tommy," he hears the sound of Techno picking up, a faint _'Tommy?'_ that he prays Dream doesn't hear over his monologue, "This was really selfish, you know that? I was so worried for you Tommy, _so_ worried," he can hear a quiet _'what the fuck'_ on the line, "but you can make it up to me if you just come back to Logsted with me, I'll even help you rebuild if you're good." 

"FUCK YOU," Tommy screams, just now noticing the tears running down his face, "GO TO HELL. PRICK. STUPID BITCH. FUCK YOU-" he's cut off by a hand slapping across his face. He can feel the bruise forming already.

"Don't make this hard on me Tommy," Dream growls, hand on the hilt of his sword, "I'm only helping you." Tommy holds the side of his face with one hand, the communicator in the other, and glares at Dream with everything he can muster.

"I said, fuck-" he doesn't have time to finish his sentence before Dream unsheathes his sword and holds it to his neck, taking a step back to hold the sword at full length. 

" _Tommy_ ," Dream says lowly, "come with me and I won't punish you, yeah?" The reminders of the punishments he got for disobeying Dream flood his mind involuntarily. Every time he talked back, a burnt-out torch pressed against his shoulder. Every time he resisted his belongings being destroyed there was a punch to the face. Days without food, days without human contact. _Waking up drowning, staring into lava lakes, tall towers-_

He brings himself back to reality with the feeling of Dream grabbing his arm harshly, pulling him away from the corner and causing him to drop the communicator. "What the fuck are you doing?" Dream growls, "What the-" Dream laughs, near hysteric, "of course you called Technoblade you son of a _bitch_ -" Dream turns sharply, fist pulled back and then connecting sharply with Tommy's nose. There's no crack, but he feels the pressure build around his eyes and he knows the bruises won't look pretty in the morning. Tommy stumbles back, tripping over the couch and landing harshly on the floor. There's a snap of metal and plastic and Tommy forces his already bruising eyes to open and watch Dream stomp on his communicator until it's just pieces ground into the floorboards. Dream's already on top of him, pulling him up by the collar. Memories of drowning and lava and towers contrasting those of Phil's hugs and Ghostbur's blue and Techno's prideful smile that's directed at _him_ is enough to encourage Tommy to struggle with all the energy he can muster. 

"Who would'a thought that a mere two months with the fucking Blood God could get a kid enough recovery time to undone everything I worked on," Dream's voice is tight with anger and anxiety, "I was hoping we could do this the easy way Tommy, you just had to make it hard on me, huh?! You were so close to being exactly where I needed you, too! Maybe another month and I would've had you in the palm of my hand, you just _had_ to go and ruin it!" He spits in Dream's face and Dream's fist connects with his mouth. Tommy spits in his face again, blood this time. He won't let himself fall into the panic taking over his mind, not after fighting for weeks to stay afloat.

He fights against Dream; whether it's for Technoblade, Philza, Wilbur, or himself, he doesn't care. He has stared death in the face countless times and met her twice, he refuses to let this _bastard_ be his downfall for a third and final time. Not again. 

"I'm not your fucking puppet you sick son of a bitch!" Tommy screams, thrashing against Dream's hold, and hand sneaking underneath the couch next to him, "I'm not going back with you! Go to hell!" Dream reels his arm back again and hits Tommy repeatedly as Tommy blindly grabs around underneath the couch. Techno, ever paranoid even in retirement, kept weapons hidden everywhere. A sword just happened to be kept under the couch. Tommy would be damned if he just spent two of the hardest months of his life recovering just to go back to his abuser. He can feel the concussion forming from the multiple hits to his temples, Dream letting anger consume him, and not carrying about the serious damage head injuries can do, but it doesn't stop him from finding the hilt of the netherite sword. 

He doesn't have any catchy joke, no big one-liner, to scream before he swings the sword across Dream's chest. Pinned below Dream and carrying the heavy sword in one hand, he doesn't get a good angle to fatally stab Dream, but the man was cocky enough to not wear armor, so the sword dragging across his chest does a satisfying amount of damage. He was hoping the day he finally got the courage to retaliate against his abuser would be marked with a nice quotable line, maybe something like his parting words to Eret, but he can say nothing as Dream gasps and collapses against him. He lets the satisfaction of karma roll over him for just a moment before shoving Dream off of him and making a break for the door. 

Slamming open the cabin doors, he only has a millisecond to spot a blur of pink atop a horse before he feels glass shatter against his back. The scent of melon and sugar hits him and he thinks for a second that Dream threw the wrong potions before the smell of spiders overwhelms him and he crumbles. Wilbur always made sure he kept up on his brewing knowledge, it would always come in handy during war times. Now, it comes in handy when he can recognize the distinct scent of slowness and harm.

He hears someone scream his name but pain overwhelms his senses. Wilbur refused to let them use instant damage potions in the war for independence; he said it was cowardly and cruel to use something so powerful and painful. Now he can understand why Wilbur said that as he can think of nothing but the pain covering his body. He curls himself around the sword he still manages to hold onto with a white knuckle grip. Cracking open his bruised eyes he can see a shadow looming over him and he feels himself being lifted by the back of his shirt.

"I'm calling in that favor-" Dream says from behind him. Oh, it was Dream who was holding him. Fear would be flooding him if it weren't for the pain and haziness already in its place.

"You don't get to ask me _shit!_ " Techno screams, practically roars. Tommy can't remember the last time he's heard him this angry. But that's not saying much, considering it's hard to focus on much of anything, nevertheless memories.

"I thought you were a man of your word, Techno," Dream says like he's chastising a small child. Tommy hears the distinct sound of a sword unsheathing and feels a blade against his neck. Finally having the energy to lift his head up he makes eye contact with Techno. Technoblade looks more terrified than Tommy has ever seen him.

To say Techno was terrified would be underselling it by a long shot. He doesn't think there's a word in any human language that can encompass just how petrified he is in that moment. Not when he was sure the Antarctic Empire would be forced to disband under international laws, not when Wilbur descended into madness, not when Phil drove a sword through his son, not even when he found Tommy in his basement. Because he could argue in defense of the Empire, Wilbur's descent ended up helping his political beliefs, Phil killing Wilbur hurt, sure, but wasn't something that he felt terrified about, and Tommy sick as all hell and trembling in his basement was something he could heal. 

He couldn't fix this. Tommy had some kind of potion effects, slowness at the very least based on the particles and instant damage based on the pain he was in. He can't lunge for Tommy and grab him because Dream's got a sword against his throat. He can't debate or fight or mourn or heal his way out of this. 

When he got the call from Tommy he had just reached the village. At first, he was a little upset that the kid didn't call him earlier, to make the travel go by faster, but then the tidal waves of voices flooded his head. _PICK UP, DREAM, DREAMS AT THE CABIN_ , they screamed, _SAVE TOMMY, HELP TOMMY, **PROTECT TOMMY**_. He was jumping back onto Carl's saddle and heading home before he even picked up. Sometimes the voices lied just to mess with him, but he wouldn't take the chance, not with this. The background noise of Dream screaming, occasionally punctuated by Tommy's curses (pride weaseled its way over the fear when he heard Tommy stand up against Dream) or sounds of a fight. When the call cut out he sent Phil a message and didn't bother to wait for a response. 

_Technoblade: getto cabin ow dream_

Now, he stands in front of a nearly limp Tommy held at knifepoint by a manic looking Dream and he prays that Phil somehow swoops down at that very second and saves them both. Obviously, Phil doesn't, but it doesn't hurt to dream. ( _Hah, isn't that ironic_ )

"Nothing to say to that, Techno?" Dream cackles, "No fancy speeches? Not gonna tell me to die like a hero?" He can hear the grin behind Dream's mask, "Don't you remember that, Tommy? Techno never cared about you, he wanted you to die not even a few months ago. I wouldn't do that." Tommy struggles slowly against Dream's grip at that, still clearly in pain.

"Holdin' a knife to his neck kinda makes me think you want him dead," Techno tries to keep his voice level, and gives his hardest glare at the two small dots on Dream's mask, "but that might just be me."

"I'm doing this because Tommy doesn't know what's good for him," Dream's voice pitches back into that overly friendly tone, it makes Techno feel sick, "I'm doing this because I'm Tommy's friend," Techno watches as Tommy readjusts his grip on the sword that Techno somehow only just notices he has. Tommy flips it so he's holding it backwards, hilt pointing up and blade pointing behind him, pointing towards Dream. "Now, Tommy and I are gonna go back to Logsted, and you're going to-" Dream doesn't get to finish his sentence as Tommy drives the sword into his gut. Dream staggers back, sword dragging superficially against Tommy's neck in a shallow cut, collapsing to his knees and dropping Tommy. They both crumble, and Techno surges forward, gathering Tommy in his arms. 

"Is he dead," Tommy mumbles, clutching Techno's shirt like a lifeline, "is he dead did I kill him. Please, Techno, make sure he's dead." Techno stands shocked for only a moment before pushing Tommy behind him and stumbling towards Dream. The man was hunched over himself on his knees, holding himself up with his sword that he staked in the snowy ground. Dream glances up at him, clutching the wound in his stomach. 

"Not even gonna kill me with honor, oh mighty Blood God?" Dream mocks, though the intimidation factor is lacking. Technoblade doesn't give him the decency of a reply, he simply stands over him and watches him bleed. Tommy stumbles to stand next to him, and they both watch as Dream slumps forward completely, before disappearing in a puff of smoke. Techno wasn't expecting him to be on his last life, but knowing the man wasn't permanently dead was still unsatisfying. Glancing at Tommy, however, and see the vindication on his face was satisfying enough in itself. 

They say nothing to each other as Tommy leans against Techno and the two stumble back into the cabin, leaving the sword stabbed into the ground. The cabin is surprisingly put together, all things considered. Techno was expecting more signs of a struggle, but all he finds are the crushed remnants of a communicator, and the couch and coffee table are slightly out of place. He sets Tommy onto the couch, nudges the table and couch back in place, and picks up the pieces of metal. It looks like nothing had changed since that morning.

It was disappointing, in a sense, that something so drastic had happened yet the world seemed calm. It felt like the world should stop to cheer for Tommy, praise him for overcoming Dream, for taking his life back into his own hands. The world still spun, and no one clapped, but it was justice nonetheless.

"Techno," Tommy's voice, cracking and quiet, pulls him out of his thoughts, "did I kill Dream?" 

"...Yeah, you did," there was no point in sugar-coating it. "Don't feel bad-"

"Good," Tommy snaps bitterly, "I'm glad he's dead. I'm glad," his voice wavers a bit, "I'm glad...I killed him and I'm glad," Tommy looks up at him with wet eyes, "I'm an awful person."

"No," Techno says quickly, "he hurt you. He killed you, twice. He deserved every bit of that, Tommy, you are _not_ an awful person." Tommy opens his mouth but the fluttering of wings and the slam of feet on the porch cuts him off. The door swings open and there stands Phil, sword in hand and tears in his eyes. He gives a frantic look around the cabin and after looking between Techno and Tommy a few times, stumbles to the couch and pulls Tommy into his arms.

"Oh my gods I got Techno's message and I tried to leave the meeting but Tubbo kept questioning me so I just flew off but when I got here I saw the sword and the blood and-" Phil's own sob cuts him off and Techno sighs, he didn't even think of how the scene outside would look to Phil, "Gods, Tommy, you're okay. You're okay." 

"I killed him, Dad," Tommy mumbles into Phil's chest and Techno can hear Phil choke on a sob once more, "I- I killed him and I'm _glad_. I couldn't go back. I wouldn't." 

" _Good_ ," Phil whispers, pressing a kiss on top of Tommy's head, "I'm glad, too." Phil looks up at Techno and he doesn't even have to say anything before Techno's tripping over his feet to fall into Phil's embrace. The three of them sit on the couch, Techno and Tommy practically in Phil's lap like they're children again as Phil wraps his wings around them to shield them from the world. Maybe the world didn't stop, but sitting together as a family, Tommy finally free of Dream's grasp, was enough. 

Techno doesn't move until his legs are asleep and he thinks he'll piss himself from how long they've been sitting there. He gets up and makes them dinner while Tommy and Phil stay seated on the couch. Tommy's mumbling something and Techno doesn't try to eavesdrop, because he hears Phil quietly reassuring the boy and decides to give them their privacy. Walter wiggles his way in between the two and Techno can hear his purrs all the way across the room. At some point, Ghostbur wanders in and complains about the red on the lawn, how it conflicts with the blue he loves sharing, and joins Tommy and Phil on the couch. Techno hands out dinner and he listens as Ghostbur tells them stories of what he did that day, or what he did last week, or retells childhood memories like they just happened. Techno can't find himself to care because it feels so much like their childhood home in Phil's cabin servers away. The world spins.

He watches as Tommy stays with Phil the entire day, and seems jumpier for the next week. He comforts Tommy when he has his nightmares and writes down more observations in The Tommy Book. He hears Tommy whisper and sobs his fears and regrets to Phil on quiet nights. He watches as Tommy takes five steps backwards in recovery after the Dream's appearance, and then takes ten more forward. 

Techno thinks back to when he confided in the cleric that he was terrified that if Tommy relapsed again, there would be no bringing him back. That there was no way he could come back from the first Dream incident, and if something remotely similar (how similar the situation would be, Techno wouldn't know yet) happened, Tommy would fall too far off the deep end and into lava lakes and off of towers and drown. But Tommy defied gods and clerics and dads and brothers like he always did, and recovered. There were slip-ups, bad days, relapses, and parts of Tommy that would never be the same, but they persevered. Recovery is funny like that, it's tedious and nonlinear and slow, but Techno was retired. He had all the time in the world to make sure his little brother never fell too far. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These notes are gonna be long, and cheesy, so bear with me.
> 
> As of writing these notes, this fic has nearly 12k hits, 1k kudos, 200+ bookmarks, and 200+ comments. To connect those numbers to something I've created is astonishing, and I can't thank you all enough. I wrote when I was much much younger, and was always embarrassed by my creative outlets, and I wish so dearly that I could show my younger self the amount of support she would be given for things she creates. While I understand I'm probably putting more meaning to Minecraft roleplay fanfic than need-be, the support I've been given on this fic has really boosted my confidence in not only my writing abilities but my creative abilities in general. To anyone who left a comment, kudo, bookmark, or even just read this and subscribed, thank you from the bottom of my heart. To anyone reading this long after it's been completed, thank you as well! To think that this fic is almost 2 months old and was created when canon SBI family was still a thing and we all thought Tommy and Techno would have a badass team-up lmao. Well, for anyone reading this long after the plot has moved on, I hope you liked it nonetheless :)
> 
> This story is dedicated to anyone who's suffered from abuse, neglect, or just overall has felt used and wanted someone to support you. I know a good portion of the MCYT fandom, myself included, felt seen by the themes show in the roleplay and especially Tommy's character. It's cathartic to read a story where someone you can see yourself as finally gets the help, love, and support they deserve and I wanted to write that story for anyone who needs that. From the beginning, I wanted this story to be one about recovery through the support of loved ones and overcoming those who hurt you. Knowing there are people who can read this story and for even just a moment feel seen, heard, and cathartically feel supported makes the 4 hour writing grinds so worth it. 
> 
> If you make anything inspired by this, please please PLEASE let me know either in the comments or send it to my Tumblr @fl0ating-tree it would make my entire life to know I inspired someone. I also take fanfic requests there as well!
> 
> Let me know what you thought in the comments; favorite parts or lines, themes you pick up on, parts you think could be improved, or anything you'd like. Thank you so much for reading! :)

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to join the writer's block with this link https://discord.gg/phWk5WwXnF ! It's a discord server run by the lovely Qar here on ao3 and is where you can talk about MCYT, fanfic, writing in general, or even just make some friends. :)


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